Maybe Baby

Well, this week has gone quickly. Love those four day work weeks. Anyways, you might be wondering about the title of this blog. This is something that I have debated about a lot over the last two days and I decided to just post this now. See, I had this big surprise planned. Truth be told, I'm seven weeks pregnant right now. I found out a few weeks ago and have been keeping it to myself. I've even gone so far as to pry the lids off of Orange Smoothie Coolers, dump the alcohol down the drain and refill the bottles with orange soda for the purpose of appearing not pregnant at various family functions. Which actually worked like a charm. Although let me tell you, its not easy as you might think to drink a litre of orange pop in an evening. The first one is kind of OK but the last three are hard to get down. But anyways, I had this big elaborate scheme. I was booked for an ultrasound on Wednesday and I wanted to wait until I had a picture of my lovely little embryo before I broke the news. I was going to frame it and wrap it up and give it to my parents as an anniversary gift when I have them over for supper on Sunday and watch the surprise on thier face. But unfortunately, my ultrasound did not go so swell and I did not end up getting a picture of my baby embroy.
The ultrasound showed a gestational sac with a yolk sac in it but no visible embryo. So this was upsetting to me. But the technician said that it's too early to tell for sure for sure if it's going to be viable or not. By dates, I was six weeks and six days at that time, at which point he said that there should most definately be a visible embryo with a clear heartbeat, neither of which he could see. But he said that if I was five weeks, six days it could potentially be considered normal. So he said to come back in a week and recheck it. If it's grown, then it's all good. If it's still the same, then obviously it's not viable. So right now I'm just kind of waiting, my sanity hanging in the balance. I honestly did not consider the fact that I would lose this pregancy, too. I thought that I've had two miscarriages already, more than my fair share, so I should be safe with this one. But if I've learned anything over the past couple of years, its that the powers that be really don't hesitate to take from a person once, twice or however many times it damn well wants. I don't hold out too much hope at this point b/c the thing is that I know my dates, and I know I'm not off by a week. But I guess it ain't over til the fat lady sings and she hasn't quite sung yet. I go for my next ultrasound on Monday at 9:20. In the meantime, I'm going to just keep my fingers crossed (and my legs as well- don't want to disturb anything in there). Pray for me. I need it much more now than I did when I had the staple incident, although, in retrospect that was a close call. I could have died from the blood loss alone, to say nothing of the anesthetic or the surgery...
And I do apologize for not telling certain people in person (namely my parents) but I just don't really want to talk about it right now so it seemed easier to post it on here. And also, it's such a convuluted story at this point. I'm pregnant and I've been living a lie but now I might not really be pregnant but I still could be... surely you see what I'm saying. Anyways, I will let you know how things go on Monday. Hopefully it will be good news.
Have a nice weekend.