Not looking very good...

The fat lady I alluded to yesterday is excersising her voice. She may sing. She may not. What I mean by that is- it may be over, it may not be. Got my ultrasound results today and the results are inconclusive. It sounds a lot like last time. Gestational sac measuring five weeks two days, no fetal pole or fetal heart, which would be considered a normal finding if I were, indeed five weeks two days, but I'm actually seven weeks, so it doesn't quite measure up. My doc says her gut feeling is that it's probably not good. Nothing to do but wait and see. She sent me for a blood test to see if my HCG is up or down from last time. If it's up then the viability of this pregnancy is still in a 'grey zone' and we will just have to wait and do another ultrasound in a week or so. If it's down then we know that it is a miscarriage. Won't get the results til tomorrow, but that is OK. I've waited this long, another day can't hurt. Dr. Fenton says that I should probably prepare myself for the worst. On the up side- she said that if I do lose this one they will actually be able to investigate things rather than just the usual 'too badm, so sad' routine. One miscarriage is considered bad luck. Two- really bad luck. Three- beyond what bad luck alone could possibly account for and warrants further investigation. She said that there are some things they will look into-- blood tests for abnormal clotting factors, check the uterine lining for abnormalities, check my hormones. She says regardless of what these tests find she will definately put me on progesterone next time and we could hope to have a better outcome. Anyways, this is unfortunate news for me, but I guess... that's life sometimes. It can suck pretty hard core. And at least things aren't as bad as on this movie I watched today where a girl got trapped alone on a boat with an ax wielding maniac. It's like they say- the only thing worse than this pile of shit is an ever bigger pile of shit- and that is presicely a bigger shit pile. I would take several miscarriages in a row compared to being trapped on a ship with a pychopath, although she does turn out to survive in the end and live happily ever after- albeit with a few minor lacerations and frizzy hair. Well, I guess on that note I should be going. Thank you for your readership.