Shit I've Said

"You want to know how to Train A Dragon?" (To the kids when they asked if we could purchase the DVD)
"You kill him," I say, without waiting for an answer. "Best way is to chop his head right clean off. When he's dead, he'll be nice and tame. Headless, but tame. Very tame. They should make a movie about that."
I look at them. They look slightly terrified.
"All right," I say, tossing the DVD into our cart. "We'll get the movie."


"You can kid a kidder but you can't shit a shitter." (to Gage, 12)
Gage: "So- what are you in this equation- a kidder or a shitter?"
Me- "Uhm, a shitter, I guess?"
Gage-"And that's supposed to be a good thing?"
Me- "Whatever. We don't need to pick it apart. Just don't lie and stuff like that."

Geoff: "I spent twenty five dollars today on my hair cut."
Me- looking at said hair cut. "What are they, charging a dollar per hair? How can they get away with that?"
Geoff- evil glare.
(Note- Geoff's hair=very sparse)

Anyways. On a somewhat unrelated topic.
 I've been thinking about something, want to run it by you.
Parenting with Pop Tarts- I mentioned it in this post, sort of as a joke, but I kind of like the sound of it.
I've been thinking of 'rebranding' this blog- since I named it "Here we Go Again" back in the day when it was a pregnancy blog.
What do you think??
Which name do you like better?? Does it even matter??
(And yes- I do like to double up on my question marks. I feel like I'm posing the question more seriously that way, more intently like. Think grade school teacher, pulling her glasses down, eyes boring into you.)
Do you think that there's an Coalition for the Eradication of Pop Tarts who are currently lobbying the government to have them banned? Who possibly are also working on a new bill, perhaps with the name "Sara's Law" or something like that because of some girl who later went on to develop Juvenile Diabetes from eating too many pop tarts, that any parent who feeds their kids PopTarts for any one meal of the day could be found legally negligent, let alone all of them??
Will I get hate mail?
I think that's only a matter of time, anyways.

Honestly, some people take parenting so seriously.
Like, for example. Since Alex is getting older, he no longer likes to cuddle with me. He writhes away from me and tries to bitch slap me and stuff. Ya, it's awesome.
But I have a secret weapon that makes him putty in my lap.
I tell him there's thunder coming.
"Thunder!" I tell him.
He jumps, runs to me, wraps his arms around me, buries his head in my chest. "I cared," he says- which means he's scared.
I think it's kind of endearing.
But some people, when I tell them that, they just look at me, like maybe I just admitted to locking him in the cold storage room from time to time so that I can shoot up my other kid's Ritalin, which I now have abbreviated to "R"- which, seriously, I don't. I don't even have a cold storage room, first of all. Secondly, my older kids aren't even on Ritalin. Unfortunately.
And then they say "Are you serious?"
And I'm like, "well, it's harmless, anyways."
And they're like "do you think that might be why you're older two kids have a phobia of thunderstorms?"
And I'm like "I wouldn't say that they're 'phobic' just because they need to be medicated for it. I mean, then you could say that any one's phobic. That guy right there. He's on blood thinners. Is he phobic? Probably not."
Again, some people take it all too seriously.
Don't they??