Friday, July 24, 2009

Some people have the nerve.
On Monday I was running late for work, for multiple reasons, which I could go on and on about, but I won't. But anyways. I didn't have time to pack my lunch. At lunch time I was really hungry, so I went to Arbys and got a junior roast beef sandwich, curly fries and a diet coke. It wasn't the worst I could do, trans fat wise, although certainly far from the best. So I'm eating my lunch. And this girl walks in. Alright let me rephrase that. Waddles in. She looks at my lunch and says with a sneer "that looks healthy."
Can you even believe that she would even say that to me?? Andy yes I know that I used the word even twice in that same sentence but that's just how incensed I am. And maybe it wasn't even so much WHAT she said, but the WAY she said it. It was like all sarcastic, but not in a ha-ha funny sarcasm way but in a really judgmental-may-you-rot-in-hell kind of sarcasm.
I just replied with a shrug and a 'oh, well, what can you do?' kind of a sigh and continued eating.
She pulls out her lunch which consisted of a yogurt container full of cucumber slices with vinegar on them. I was like "listen lady, I'm pretty sure you didn't get to be three hundred something something from eating cucumbers, OK?? You're not kidding me here." Although of course I didn't say that. I just kind of looked at her cucumbers like "WTF??"
Anyways, so now she's my sworn enemy. Cucumber Breath. She's on holidays now, so I'l have a break from her.

Other than that, work is going OK. The coffee situation seems to have resolved itself after some time. What I have found is that if you're nice to the receptionists, they'll make you you're very own pot of weak coffee. So that has been going well. And I have brought some hazelnut creamer from home (option 'A' if you recall, Lorrie, thanks for your input, but honestly, I don't really want to be known as 'the girl who brews her own coffee'. In this neighborhood that could get me stabbed. Or worse. Although I'm not sure what's worse than stabbing.) and that has been going well. I don't think anyone has been using it. It seems to be lasting long enough.

On the home front, things are good. The kids are settling into their new routines nicely. Last night while watching Letterman I got this idea to make a Top Ten list for my blog. But mine probably won't be a top ten list per se, on account of me not being able to think of ten things. It might be six. It might be four. We'll just have to wait and see how it goes. I'm not Letterman, after all, and nor do I have his staff of writers. All right. This is a one man show, you realize.
So here goes.

Top 10 (approximately) Signs You Spend too Much Time with Kids:

10. You can complete the sentence: "Barney is a dinosaur..."
9. You have at least one box of cereal in your cupboard that lists marshmallows as an ingredient.
8. You catch yourself in casual conversation using words like "tinkle" and "ni-ni"
7. Your wost curse words are "darned" and "fudge"
6. You can count to ten in Spanish (only from watching Dora)
5. You've intimately familiar with all movies starring Tim Allen
4. Your known as the reigning champ of "Operation"
3. You've developed a taste for Pop Rocks
2. Opening the "Disney Vault" is a major life event for you.

All right, so we didn't quite get to ten. That's all I can think of for now. No number one. What a letdown. Sorry guys. So close but so far. I'll keep thinking. If any of yous out there has any ideas, jump right in.
And, for those of you not in the know, the completion of the sentence in #10 is ..."from our imagination."
I always seem to have that line stuck in my head.
Darned Barney.
Anyways, I must be going. Lunch time. And FYI-- it's a Lean Cuisine chicken dinner with a diet Pepsi. Too bad Cucumber breath wasn't here to see that. She could put that in her pipe and smoke it.
Darned Tootin.


Nadine said...

Clearly the 'may you rot in hell' was exactly that. Jelousy is a nasty thing and when it's ugly head appears there is no turning back. It is now war, but keep in mind that you are the one with the 'upper hand' so to speak. One suggestion, bring in something very tempting to her for your next lunch when she is back from holidays. If she has anything to say, offer her some and then innocently add 'oh I'm sorry are you on a diet???' Ok so perhaps that's not the most innocent remark, but you get the idea.

As for your top 10 list, great idea. There are many things that spring to mind for the particular list you have on here. One example, The songs that you find yourself singing are from an array of kids c.d's and videos. Another one, You are strangly proud with your newly acquired ability to have good sex, quickly.

Glad that everyone is getting settled into the new routine. Hope you are all doing well, miss you! Oh and by the way Marisa's doll is now baby Alex. She's also been talking about Payton lately.

randine said...

Aw, that's so cute that her new doll is Alex, Payton has one named Logan!!
Yes- you should be very proud of your ability to have good, quick sex. We are still working on that one. I think we have the 'quick' down-- but the 'good' is still struggling.
Ya, I like your idea of rubbing Cucumber Breaths diet in her face...I'll see if I have the nerve to do it, though. I'll probably be all nice and sweet to her, because that's how I am... even to my sworn enemies. It's a curse.

Lorrie said...

#1 - you have stains on your shirt and they are no longer from a drunken night at the's most likely snot or slurpie...hopefully your kids.

I know so many 'cucumber breaths'...remember I told you about the 300 pound woman who brought an array of crunchy veggies to a TAPED discussion???!?!??!?!?!??!?!

jayceelee said...

You should have asked her if her she was planning on eating her cucumbers and vinegar or was going to douche with it.........

I'm with Nadine, bring in something really yummy, take a few bites, announce how full you are and throw it away or flush down the toilet (didn't we used to do that with Trent and cigarettes?)

Good luck with lard ass. Maybe she went to fat camp for her holiday

Love ya Jody

randine said...

Frick, Jody, you are hilarious!!
Lo, I like your #1- you are the official winner of the impromptu finish my top ten list contest!! You win the fame and fortune that comes with being named a winner on this website, which is essentially nada, zilch, zippo.
Well, thanks for the response gals. It's always good to get such supportive feedback. If CB doesn't smarten up- maybe we could form a posse?? Our collective weights should be enough to take the old girl down.

Lorrie said...

Whoooooo, nothing, just what I've always wanted!!!!!!!!!!!
Jody - you've now answered the eternal question of why Trent can't piss IN the guys made him scared of it. Thanks...a...lot.