Roll Out The Barrel

As you know, I am well into my thirties now. The arthritis hasn't crept in yet, and I haven't started listening to AM radio yet, but some changes are taking place. First of all, I seem to be noticing that my clothes aren't fitting so great. At first I blamed it on the dryer- that somehow my pants had gotten shrunk but everything else in the laundry was spared. But a quick visit to the weigh scale tells me that this is not the case. The title of this blog reflects how I am feeling body image wise. I have this vision of myself, rolling out of the house and being hoisted down the sidewalk, and the neighbors will gather round and stomp and clap and sing "Roll out the barrel". It sucks, really. So now I guess I'm going to have to try to lose weight. But its not easy. Its so much more compelling to just sit and watch TV.
Secondly, I fear I may be losing my mind. I don't know if Altzheimers can creep in this early or not, but I feel it slowly approaching. Yesterday there were two incidents that worried me. I went shopping at Wal Mart and went to return to my van. I turned the key to unlock it, and it wouldn't open. So I kept on trying and trying and was like 'what the hell?' Finally, I looked inside the van and noticed that it wasn't mine. Mine was parked a row over. Talk about emberassing. So then I went to my van, opened it up and put my stuff inside. Being the responsible customer that I am, I pushed my cart over to the little cart area and then returned to my vehicle. I drove home. When I got home I realized I didn't have my purse with me. Panic. So I drove like a madman (or madwoman, I guess) back to Wal Mart. My purse wasnt there. I asked at the customer service desk if any purses had been turned in and they said no. I went home, despondent, dejected, cursing myself. Now I was going to have to cancel all my credit cards (fat lot of good they were going to do to anyone, anyways), phone all these places to try to get more ID. What a hassle. But when I got home, there it was. Like magic. Someone had found it and drove it back to it's home. I was so happy. My husband was kind of like 'how could you leave your purse in a shopping cart?', which I suppose is a valid point. I could use the kids as an excuse and say that they distracted me, but in actuality I didn't have the kids with me. So there's no excuse, no other explanation. It's altzheimers. Soon my kids will be spooning me pureed applesauce and reminding me not to leave the stove on. Well, I guess I've had some good years. Anyway, alls well that ends well.
On to other issues. The hazelnut creamer. I bought another bottle of it on Monday and left it the fridge at work. Now I know that strictly speaking, it doesn't have to be refrigerated, but I found it vaguely disturbing to have it sitting out all night and then pour into my coffee and ingest it. It makes me seriously question what the hell is in that stuff that it doesn't go sour. So psychologically, I just feel better when I put it in the fridge. But things have gone much better this week. I bought the no fat kind ( remember- 'roll out the barrel') and this does not seem to be as popular with those greedy little gobblers. So I think I've solved two problems at once. I figure there was probably a gram or two of fat per serving of that stuff, so even by just drinking the no fat kind I could probably lose like about a pound in about eighteen months. So that should be good. I'll be a size eight again by the time I hit forty for sure.

Happy Anniversary Baby

So today is our anniversary, if you couldn't tell by the title of my blog. This may come as a surprise to my mother, who had my wedding date pegged as something TOTALLY different during a recent game of Trivial Pursuit the Randine Edition (Copyright Lorrie Sorowski productions, patent pending). She didn't even get the year right. Pu-Leez. So for those of you not in the know- this is our fourth year of wedded bliss. Or wedded something.
Our wedding night. A beautiful night. Romance. Tender kisses. Softly whisperd professations of love. This is how one might envision a wedding night. But ours was different. First of all our accomodations got all screwed up so we ended up sleeping in the cabin that had been henceforth unrentable because of some problems with the heating and lighting. And by problems with the heating and lighting- I mean NO heating or lighting. And then my husband decides to go off to someone elses cabin to party. I was like 'what am I supposed to do here'. He was like 'chill'. And so I did. Quite literally so. Mere hours into the marriage and there I was- cold, alone, and in the dark. Not quite how I pictured things. Geoff wasn't actually gone for long. It probably seemed longer than it was. Hard to have a sense of time when you're in the complete blackness. And so then we were totally intent on having s*x, not because we really wanted to but because we felt like we HAD to do it, on account it was our wedding night and all. So this resulted in a lengthy discussion/argument about who would have to be on top, because we were both too tired to really expend any energy. Anyways, it was a rather poor effort on both our parts, and would have to go down as one of my low points, sexually speaking, right next to that one rather unfortunate night with this one guy who was a real loser, thanks to a little too much merrity at the old tavern. Anyways, here we are now, four years later. Still married, despite our dreary beginning. Four years is actually four times longer than I ever thought we would be married. That first year was tough slugging. But I do go on.
Anyways, the good thing about spending your wedding night cold, alone and in the dark is that there is literally nowhere to go but up. So I can truly say that I am happier today that I was four years ago at this time. Although right at this precise moment I am not sure-- Payton is shrieking, the dog is puking and Gage is refusing to do his homework. I may have been cold and alone that night, but the key word there is ALONE. It's not such a bad thing.
Speaking of alone- my little Pooky is going to be going to my 'rents cabin tomorrow for the week. We shall miss her but it shall be a nice break. And when I say Pooky, just for the sake of clarity-- I mean Payton, not Geoff. I love him, but not that much.
Anyways, as far as marriage goes, things are good. Four years comes and goes quickly. Geoff is no picnic to be married to, let me tell you. In case you haven't noticed- he's not exactly Mr. Congeniality most of the time- or even half of the time. But you know, what can I say?? I have learned to accept him for who he is- flaws and all, and I have found that in four years he has become a much better man, husband and father. I am sure that for him, being married to me IS truly a picnic, as I know that I am without faults, so that's a lucky thing for him. One thing that I have noticed about Geoff when it comes to anniversaries is he ALWAYS buys me cards with cartoons on them. Every year I expect to get a really sweet, mushy card, and then I end up getting a card with Snoopy that has some cheesy line in it. Anyways, I had better be going. It is my anniversary after all, and I definately plan on getting it on. So I shall report on that later. TTFN.

The Great Hazelnut Heist

Let me see. Where to start. Well, I guess first of all, the biggest and most stressful thing that has happened was the Great Hazelnut Heist of last week. I brought with me when I went back to work a full bottle of hazelnut creamer and left it in the fridge. I only drink a cup of coffee a day so you would think this would last me a while. But on Friday I went to make a cup of coffee, and the creamer bottle was in the fridge- completely empty. This is a source of much frustration for me. Everyone at work denies using it- and believe me you I was very vocal about the fact that my creamer supply had been depleted. I don't know what to do. I write my name on it but it doesn't seem to be enough. I'll have to somehow devise a contraption so that the lid can only be opened with a lock and key.
The other news is that I've started taking my folic acid again. I'll tell you- a little bottle of folic acid can actually go a long way- a lot longer than a bottle of hazelnut cream that's for sure. So that has been good. Geoff hasn't actually agreed to trying again, but I'll worry about that later. It's a minor detail, and the way I look at it- sperm is a pretty cheap commodity. There are a number or routes to go to get some- some of which could be kind of fun. Anyways, we aren't using anything for contraception so I basically take that as implied agreement that he could live with another baby. Not that we'll necessarily have a baby. I just get pregnant but it never seems to lead to a baby. Well, better luck next time. I've read some stuff online and according to some sources, my chances are still good- 70% or so. So I think that is encouraging.
Unfortunately, there's not much else to report. I seem to be really very tired these days, so my creative energy is low. I'm really pumped about the new line up of TV shows. That should be exciting once they start up again. Anyhoo, I will try to do better next time. Peace out.

On the blog again

Well, here I am. On the blog again. I have decided to make my blog public, because let's face it- it's not going to open the floodgates. There is not as wide an audience of people who are dying to read about my menstral cycles and pregnancy woes as you might think. So, that is that. I am going to remove some posts maybe. There is not a whole lot new with me.

One big thing is that I turned thirty recently. I didn't really want to turn 30. I don't know why. It's just kind of- you know. I feel old. And perhaps I am old. I seem to notice that I cannot jump on the trampoline without having to empty my bladder first in order to avoid certain problems from occuring. My bladder control is going south. Perhaps I will soon be in Depends. If that happens to me- try not to judge. It could happen to you if you were pregnant six times.

Speaking of pregnant six times, I got an appointment time for Oct 12 to see this new doc. An OBGYN dealy kind of doc. Hopefully she will be nice. Regretfully, she is not yet on RateMDs.com
so I can not dig any dirt on her. Most doctors are nice, though, so operating under that pretense, I'm sure it will be fine. It's a bit disapointing that its a month away, but what can you do? Things are going well though and I guess at this point I'm just glad that that last pregnancy is behind me because it was a difficult ordeal from the get go with my HCG being crap and so on and so forth. I am back at work and it wasn't so bad to be back.
The other news with me is that I took the plunge and did it... painted my kitchen. Some time ago there was some controversy over paint color (see 'More Decisions' Mar/07). I have decided to go with yellow, after Gails insightful comments that "yellow is the new taupe". I must say that it looks great and you are all invited to come and check it out. It was a bit of a pain to paint, shall we say it puts the 'pain' in 'paint'?? Get it. That's pretty funny. Almost as funny as my 'dime a dozen' joke. For those of you who don't know it- you'll have to wait until my stand up act comes out to here. I don't want to say too much right now. But it's funny. Anyways, as I said, the kitchen looks good. I am enjoying it quite a bit.
So basically, that is all. There is more to write about being 30, but it's too much to get into right now. Perhaps next time. Toodles.