Tuesday, November 25, 2008

D Day

A date has been set.

January 5th 2009
Take the poll... will Geoff get his surgery before it is too late???

Geoff will be getting 'the snipper snappy' as we call it, in the hopes that giving it a whimsical name will make it slightly more appealing, which seems to be working because my husband is taking the bait. So I guess my dream of having twins is out the window. I really didn't get much support for that idea in the first place, though, I have to say. People seem to think that it's a bad idea. They obviously didn't watch the Twins Marathon on TLC. I guess I, too, am coming around to thinking that it might be harder to actually have twins than it was just to see them on TV.

Anyways, I will let you know how Geoff makes out with the surgery- including before and after pictures. (Just kidding.) In the meantime, there is little worry about getting pregnant because Geoff and I have not been alone together in the same room since the day Lex was born. Generally, Lex sleeps with me and Geoff sleeps on the couch- as he gets a better sleep- doesn't like sleeping with the baby in the bed, and I get a better sleep,too- pretty crowded with three of us. So this is the way that it is. It's kind of an interesting thing. My parents were visiting and my dad seemed a bit disturbed by this notion. He offered the opinion that "lack of sex will ruin your marriage", to which I thought a)that is blatantly untrue as he and my mother have been married for thirty years and clearly do not themselves have sex and b)marriages are like children in a way- they can go coast along on Teletoon and Skittles for a long, long time. But then, it kind of got me to thinking about how our generation has such a different attitude towards it. It almost seems like the norm now is that parents eat, breathe and sleep with thier children. Most of the parents I talk to are in the same boat I am in. And the thing is that it is almost something that we take pride in. Once upon a time people would brag about their sex life, and todays generation almost boasts about thier lack thereof. Like it is good to be the self sacrificing parent who forgoes everything. I guess it's just a sign of the times- the parents that have thier children in dance, soccer, gymnastics, guitar, French, German and Portugese lessons. Although, you just never really know when you're gonna meet some Portugese hearthrob and then it will pay off. Our children consume us to the point that there is no 'us'- but for me, I am OK with that. I feel that our children are only our children for a short time, whereas we will be married (in theory) forever. There will be time for 'us' later... Although, I guess then there will be the grandchildren, which I fully intend to be VERY involved with. My son and daughter in laws will love me!!

On an unrelated matter, another thing that I have been thinking about a lot is what people mean when they say "get your shit together". Like this is supposed to be a good thing. "He's really got his shit together." WHY is that a good thing? It makes no sense. And it leaves a really disturbing mental image. I think people need to rethink this phrase. I don't know. It just bothers me. Anywyas, enough of that.
I've got to go and get my shit together.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Are We Done Yet Part 2

So yesterday I posted on here that I would never waver on not wanting another child.
That was yesterday.
Today I was watching this Twins marathon on A Baby Story- Cuz my own baby is stone cold asleep after being awake almost all day and half the night last night. And now I'm convinced that I really, really, really want a pair of twins. OMG they are so cute!! With thier little matching outfits and thier tiny tiny little fingers, and when you put them to sleep in a bassinette together they hold each others hands!! I am TOTALLY crazy jealous of these people who have these precious twins.
I ran the idea past Geoff and of course he's like "I don't think so Randine", ever the naysayser that he is. I can probably work him a bit, he usually will give in to me sooner or later. He did agree with me that twins are cute and it could be kind of fun, but then he was like "Remember when we brought Lex home from the hospital and you were so tired and only sleeping like half an hour a day cuz you were nursing around the clock- imagine that times two??" And I was like "Bring it, baby." Tired is such a subjective term. I mean, who's to say what's tired and what's not??
One of the reasons that I'm so happy to have 3 children is that- let's face it, Geoff and I are both mortal. We will not always be there to take care of our children. Its hard to say that or even think it, but it's sadly true. And it gives me peace of mind to know that when we are gone the children will have each other. We need our family- and I think that giving my children family is the biggest and best thing I can do for them- even if they don't exaclty appreciate it now.
I know how important my own family is for me. My brother and his wife have been there for me time and time again- for little things like babysitting and big things like when I have struggled with pregnancies and even my marriage.
I look at pictures of Lex at birth and even in four months he has changed so much. It gives me much joy to see that, but also a tug of sadness. My little baby, not so little anymore. He has already doubled his birth weight.
Truly, it is hard to know when to call it quits. My house is small but my heart is big. I love children. I love Christmas- seeing them open thier presents with such wonder and joy. I love bathing Lex. I love the chaos, the noise, I love the quiet moments- few and far between. I love reading bedtime stories. And though I say I want to see the day when there the warning "not intended for children under 3" bears no relevance to me, I simultaneously fear it. Who am I if not a mother, a nurturer,...
These are hard questions to answer. I can only hope that Geoff will get his "procedure" done before I have had the chance to ponder it too much.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Are we Done Yet

This is a question I get a lot these days. "Are you done yet?" The answer is yes. After seven pregnancies I am more than ready to hang up my pregnancy pants. I mean, if I don't do it now before you know it I'll be like that family on TV with seventeen kids that travels around in a big bus and wear polka dot dresses. Yes, the time has come to call it quits.
The fact that I'm end of the child bearing road is not something I will ever waver on, but having said that, it's not without some sadness that I arrive at this. I'll really miss those crazy pregnancy test. How much fun it was to have a shiny new one. And I will miss feeling fetal movement. Pregnancy is such a special time. Even labour- the drama, the excitement, the anticipation. It's not that I don't want to have another baby, per se. I would love to have more babies- who wouldn't?? They're cute, they have adorable little tiny clothes, they smell good (usually). But it's the fact that babies come at a price. A bedroom that is not fully mine- a crib beside the bed and doll clothes all over the floor. Treehouse on the TV all the time. Bubble gum tooth paste caked all over the bathroom sink. Going out for two hour intervals only. Ketchup chip crumbs in my bed. Laundry, laundry, laundry. Daycare bills. Fights over dishes. Banging on the bathroom door every time I go to the bathroom "mom, let me in!" It's a lot. Someday I would like to have a house that stays clean for more than five minutes, an uninteruppted bath, a full meal sitting down, a day to sleep in til ten o'clock. These are the things I dream of. Simple things, really, but not so simple with kids. Even right now, I am trying to type and holding Lex and I just got puked on.
Oh, well.
Now onto other issues. Firstly, I recieved another rejection letter the other day. It's frustrating. I will try again with another agent, but I'm now running out of agencies to try. I guess I will have to keep my day job after all, which technically I don't have one right now, but you know what I mean. Now I know why people in the writing industry are all moody and depressed and alcoholics. Honestly.
And speaking of depression, I think I may be. These commercials for anti depressants are like "do you feel like you don't want to get out of bed in the morning?" And it's like HELL YES. There has quite honestly NEVER been a day in my life where the alarm went off and I was like YES!! I get to get out of bed! And just jumped up and was all happy. Usually I am putting pillows over my head tyring to ignore the kids and/or the alarm clock in the futile hope that it will all just go away.
Thirdly.... there is not thirdly. That is it for now. I am moody and depressed and I'm pouring myself a glass of wine.