Sunday, September 23, 2007

Roll Out The Barrel

As you know, I am well into my thirties now. The arthritis hasn't crept in yet, and I haven't started listening to AM radio yet, but some changes are taking place. First of all, I seem to be noticing that my clothes aren't fitting so great. At first I blamed it on the dryer- that somehow my pants had gotten shrunk but everything else in the laundry was spared. But a quick visit to the weigh scale tells me that this is not the case. The title of this blog reflects how I am feeling body image wise. I have this vision of myself, rolling out of the house and being hoisted down the sidewalk, and the neighbors will gather round and stomp and clap and sing "Roll out the barrel". It sucks, really. So now I guess I'm going to have to try to lose weight. But its not easy. Its so much more compelling to just sit and watch TV.
Secondly, I fear I may be losing my mind. I don't know if Altzheimers can creep in this early or not, but I feel it slowly approaching. Yesterday there were two incidents that worried me. I went shopping at Wal Mart and went to return to my van. I turned the key to unlock it, and it wouldn't open. So I kept on trying and trying and was like 'what the hell?' Finally, I looked inside the van and noticed that it wasn't mine. Mine was parked a row over. Talk about emberassing. So then I went to my van, opened it up and put my stuff inside. Being the responsible customer that I am, I pushed my cart over to the little cart area and then returned to my vehicle. I drove home. When I got home I realized I didn't have my purse with me. Panic. So I drove like a madman (or madwoman, I guess) back to Wal Mart. My purse wasnt there. I asked at the customer service desk if any purses had been turned in and they said no. I went home, despondent, dejected, cursing myself. Now I was going to have to cancel all my credit cards (fat lot of good they were going to do to anyone, anyways), phone all these places to try to get more ID. What a hassle. But when I got home, there it was. Like magic. Someone had found it and drove it back to it's home. I was so happy. My husband was kind of like 'how could you leave your purse in a shopping cart?', which I suppose is a valid point. I could use the kids as an excuse and say that they distracted me, but in actuality I didn't have the kids with me. So there's no excuse, no other explanation. It's altzheimers. Soon my kids will be spooning me pureed applesauce and reminding me not to leave the stove on. Well, I guess I've had some good years. Anyway, alls well that ends well.
On to other issues. The hazelnut creamer. I bought another bottle of it on Monday and left it the fridge at work. Now I know that strictly speaking, it doesn't have to be refrigerated, but I found it vaguely disturbing to have it sitting out all night and then pour into my coffee and ingest it. It makes me seriously question what the hell is in that stuff that it doesn't go sour. So psychologically, I just feel better when I put it in the fridge. But things have gone much better this week. I bought the no fat kind ( remember- 'roll out the barrel') and this does not seem to be as popular with those greedy little gobblers. So I think I've solved two problems at once. I figure there was probably a gram or two of fat per serving of that stuff, so even by just drinking the no fat kind I could probably lose like about a pound in about eighteen months. So that should be good. I'll be a size eight again by the time I hit forty for sure.

1 comment:

Lorrie said...

SHUT UP...I wish I had your bod. I never see you always seem thin. Buuut if you feel like a barrel then I support you in your weight loss efforts. What are you aiming for????? 2...3 pounds?
Why don't you put the creamer in and pour tobasco sauce in it? That'll show those good for nothings. In the meantime you could pour the real creamer in another container with your name on it. Do it I'll make for an awesome blog entry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!