Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Highway Robbery

So now I see how these corporate big wig companies work. A few months ago, I wrote about my excitement about the purchase of Gain laundry soap for only five dollars. I have been happily using that laundry soap- very happily- ever since. And today I ran out so I went to get some more. And now, low and behold, they went and jacked the price up to $6.88! I flipped out, asked to speak to the manager. I wasn't going to pay an extra dollar and eighty eight cents when I know darned tootin well that they can and have sold it for a lot less. They must have thought that I just came in off the turnip truck, but they ain't gonna play me for no fool. But the manager, he was all like, blah blah blah, inflation, yada, yada, yada, speaking his crazy manager speak. So I offered him five dollars and fifty cents. I know that the product has a huge mark up on it, so 5.50 will cover the cost of it and we will both walk away happy. Doesn't work that way, or so he says. So I say 6 dollars, final offer. Then he calls securtiy. There was a pretty bad scene, lots of laundry soap all over the place. Long story short, I'm banned from Superstore/Loblaws/Extra Foods. That's how those criminals work, you know the type, real shady, wear bandanas, clocks around thier necks, sucking soothers, listening to rap music like MC Hammer with thier crazy ear plugs, the Bloods and the Crips. They get some kid to try a marijuana cigarette ("a dooby" as the kids call it), offer it for free. Then the kids gets all hopped up, addicted to it, then BAM they jack up the price and if you can't pay then they'll just as soon cut of your arm or take your eye, or both and you'll end up with a hook arm and a patch eye. That's what happened to the pirates. Well, anyways, apparently those dooby smoking rap listening petty thugs grew up to work for Superstore/Loblaws/Extra Foods and work their litttle scam with Gain Laundry Soap. Wasn't gonna work on me, and I dont' care if I end up with a patch for an eye or a hook for an arm.
All right, that's not entirely true. It's true up until the part about flipping out and talking to the manager. Basically, I went, noted the price difference, figured "what's a dollar?" put the laundry soap in my cart, paid for it and went home to enjoy my Apple Mango Tango Laundry Detergent. However, that does not a good story make, so I embellish a little here and there. That's basically the excitement around here.

Onto other issues (note the space, Lorrie), my husband, AKA the Devil, is supposed to be getting a little procedure, which we like to call "they snipply snapply' in the hopes that giving it a cute little nickname will make it more appealing. So far it hasn't really been working too good. He hasn't so much as phoned for an appointment. I am somewhat skeptical as to whether or not he will really go through with this procedure, vis a vis the fact that it took him over three years to go in for a blood pressure check. This ain't no blood pressure check, and he ain't gonna think it's a blood pressure check, unless HE just came in off the turnip truck, which I'm pretty sure he didn't because I haven't seen any turnip trucks around here. I don't even know exactly what turnips are- are they the same as Rutebegga?? If so then I like them. Well, that's besides the point. Anyhoo, I guess things will work out one way or the other eventually.

Lastly, I am thinking about changing my look. The librarian look has been working well- people tell me I don't look like a librarian, but these are the facts: this is my everyday outfit: gray slacks, black shirt (or white sometimes), black wool sweater, loafers, and an updo, Blistex for makeup. I don't really care if I look like a librarian, I mean it's not a bad thing. People like librarians. Its an honest living. And I do like books. But my SIL Lo has inspired me with her new look. She was trasformed from MILCW (mom I'd like to crochet with, for those not down with my made up lingo) to MILF overnight with this crazy sexy cool hair cut. So now I'm thinking about going for it. The only problem is that men will probably be falling ALL over me if I do it, and I'm telling you I really don't need that right now. I've already been preggers seven times, and believe me you you don't even want to mess with me and my uterus. Just say the word sex around me or I've done got pregnant again. But we'll see how it shakes out.
And I just want to say, that when I referred to Lorrie as a MILCW, that was not true, I said it more to be funny that anything. She has never looked anything less than fanfreakingtabulous.


Lorrie said...

Are you on crack??? Is this where you draw your creativity from? If they do publish your novel will a drug test be mandatory like in the Olympics? I hope for you sake that they don't!!!!!!
Although inspired by illegal drugs, I find your writing extremely hilarious and please note that my old, tired eyes very much appreciate the spaces.
Hey, remember when Jenn faked enthusiasm over our blogs and made it sound like she'd be hopping on the computer THAT night to check them out. Well, I think she's a big, stupid, liar face...who smells like garlic and smoke butts. I have no fear of repercussions 'cause she'll never see this.

randine said...

Yes I remember when Jenn did that. Big faker. Like, Oh I guess she can't take time out of her hectic schedule to read our blogs- and by hectic I mean NOT hectic. Honestly. Some people have the nerve. But it's her loss, really. She's the one missing out, not us.

randine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
randine said...

And yes, I am on crack. But just a little bit.

Lorrie said...

Oh and by the by...thanks ever so much for the MILF comment. ALTHOUGH, my son is only 1 now so I wouldn't want his friends wanting my hot bod YET. Get back to me in 15 years.