This is a question I get a lot these days. "Are you done yet?" The answer is yes. After seven pregnancies I am more than ready to hang up my pregnancy pants. I mean, if I don't do it now before you know it I'll be like that family on TV with seventeen kids that travels around in a big bus and wear polka dot dresses. Yes, the time has come to call it quits.
The fact that I'm end of the child bearing road is not something I will ever waver on, but having said that, it's not without some sadness that I arrive at this. I'll really miss those crazy pregnancy test. How much fun it was to have a shiny new one. And I will miss feeling fetal movement. Pregnancy is such a special time. Even labour- the drama, the excitement, the anticipation. It's not that I don't want to have another baby, per se. I would love to have more babies- who wouldn't?? They're cute, they have adorable little tiny clothes, they smell good (usually). But it's the fact that babies come at a price. A bedroom that is not fully mine- a crib beside the bed and doll clothes all over the floor. Treehouse on the TV all the time. Bubble gum tooth paste caked all over the bathroom sink. Going out for two hour intervals only. Ketchup chip crumbs in my bed. Laundry, laundry, laundry. Daycare bills. Fights over dishes. Banging on the bathroom door every time I go to the bathroom "mom, let me in!" It's a lot. Someday I would like to have a house that stays clean for more than five minutes, an uninteruppted bath, a full meal sitting down, a day to sleep in til ten o'clock. These are the things I dream of. Simple things, really, but not so simple with kids. Even right now, I am trying to type and holding Lex and I just got puked on.
Now onto other issues. Firstly, I recieved another rejection letter the other day. It's frustrating. I will try again with another agent, but I'm now running out of agencies to try. I guess I will have to keep my day job after all, which technically I don't have one right now, but you know what I mean. Now I know why people in the writing industry are all moody and depressed and alcoholics. Honestly.
And speaking of depression, I think I may be. These commercials for anti depressants are like "do you feel like you don't want to get out of bed in the morning?" And it's like HELL YES. There has quite honestly NEVER been a day in my life where the alarm went off and I was like YES!! I get to get out of bed! And just jumped up and was all happy. Usually I am putting pillows over my head tyring to ignore the kids and/or the alarm clock in the futile hope that it will all just go away.
Thirdly.... there is not thirdly. That is it for now. I am moody and depressed and I'm pouring myself a glass of wine.