So yesterday I posted on here that I would never waver on not wanting another child.
That was yesterday.
Today I was watching this Twins marathon on A Baby Story- Cuz my own baby is stone cold asleep after being awake almost all day and half the night last night. And now I'm convinced that I really, really, really want a pair of twins. OMG they are so cute!! With thier little matching outfits and thier tiny tiny little fingers, and when you put them to sleep in a bassinette together they hold each others hands!! I am TOTALLY crazy jealous of these people who have these precious twins.
I ran the idea past Geoff and of course he's like "I don't think so Randine", ever the naysayser that he is. I can probably work him a bit, he usually will give in to me sooner or later. He did agree with me that twins are cute and it could be kind of fun, but then he was like "Remember when we brought Lex home from the hospital and you were so tired and only sleeping like half an hour a day cuz you were nursing around the clock- imagine that times two??" And I was like "Bring it, baby." Tired is such a subjective term. I mean, who's to say what's tired and what's not??
One of the reasons that I'm so happy to have 3 children is that- let's face it, Geoff and I are both mortal. We will not always be there to take care of our children. Its hard to say that or even think it, but it's sadly true. And it gives me peace of mind to know that when we are gone the children will have each other. We need our family- and I think that giving my children family is the biggest and best thing I can do for them- even if they don't exaclty appreciate it now.
I know how important my own family is for me. My brother and his wife have been there for me time and time again- for little things like babysitting and big things like when I have struggled with pregnancies and even my marriage.
I look at pictures of Lex at birth and even in four months he has changed so much. It gives me much joy to see that, but also a tug of sadness. My little baby, not so little anymore. He has already doubled his birth weight.
Truly, it is hard to know when to call it quits. My house is small but my heart is big. I love children. I love Christmas- seeing them open thier presents with such wonder and joy. I love bathing Lex. I love the chaos, the noise, I love the quiet moments- few and far between. I love reading bedtime stories. And though I say I want to see the day when there the warning "not intended for children under 3" bears no relevance to me, I simultaneously fear it. Who am I if not a mother, a nurturer,...
These are hard questions to answer. I can only hope that Geoff will get his "procedure" done before I have had the chance to ponder it too much.