My Predictions

I am still thinking about that Slap Chop. Twice in the last three days, I had to dice tomatoes, and each time I was just wishing and dreaming about having that Slap Chop. I think I'm going to go for it. You only live once, right, and I don't want to have any regrets when I go gently into that good night. I don't want to have to go and sit or lie my death bed (whatever one does in their death bed) thinking "what kind of a life would I have had if I'd have had that Slap Chop"- all the salad and lettuce I might have eaten. Perhaps I wouldn't even be on that death bed at all, you know, maybe just one or two cholesterol points lower and I would lived another year, another ten!! Who knows. So I won't chance it. For twenty dollars, I'm making an investment in myself and in my future and I'm getting that Slap Chop.
I'll just have to wait six weeks for delivery.
But.

So this weekend I was out and about, and it ended up that we were involved in a conversation about life and just how unpredictable it really is. The substance of it was that there's a guy, younger than me, an RN like me, who's battling cancer and has a very poor prognosis at the moment. It made me sad and gave me pause to think about just the random and crazy nature of this universe. It made me scared, but for some odd reason, it also made me a little excited. Why that should be, I can't precisely say. I mean, if there are valleys, then peaks, right? It occured to me that we're on some grand adventure, heading towards a destination that we are not fully aware of, or even at all aware of. Even though I see myself headed towards a singular destination, I could veer off course at any point, with no warning at all whatsoever. And so I wonder, where will I go? Where will I be in one year? Five? Ten? And so then I thought it would be fun to make some predictions, some based on some amount of intuition, and some made up entirely. A year from now, I can go back to this blog and see if anything panned out. If so, I can become a psychic and become rich and famous. Although I'm not sure there are any rich and/or famous psychics, except for Patricia Arquette, but she's not really a psychic- she's a medium, and I'm not so sure that's the same thing. And she only plays a medium.
Anyways. Here goes. My attempt at prophecy:

Within one year:
-My bathroom will be painted (OK- that I already know- I plan on doing it next weekend)... I detect a greenish hue.
-Geoff or I will get an unexpected job offer (wishful thinking on my part- read my last post for clarification).
-Geoff will face a health crisis, (this is an educated guess based on the fact that he's six months over due for his blood pressure refills) but be OK
-I will face a moral dilemma at some point (I like the ambiguity here. In any event, I will be able to make something up after the fact: for example- remember how stressed out I was when I was trying to decide whether to use recycled toilet paper or not??)
-Geoff's family will reach out to him (this is maybe just wishful thinking)
-I will meet someone who will become a lifelong friend (this, too, maybe wishful thinking. I daresay, my current friends and family are a little, shall we say, out there.)
-Lorrie will have a baby girl on a frigid February night, just before midnight, after only a short labor.
-Someone that I know will have an unexpected pregnancy (in this family that reproduces like rabbits- this I can be nearly certain of.)

Within five years,
-I will be living in another location.
-I will have lost a loved one.
-I will have a different job.
-Geoff will have a different job.
-One of my children will have a special talent (out of the three of them, one of them has to pan out, right??)
-I will have made some success as a writer, but still have my day job.
-My parents will have adopted three more foster kids (just kidding-- had to put that in there. Tee hee. Just kidding. But seriously- props to you mom and dad)
-Someone in my close circle of friends and family will have divorced (that's bound to happen-- if the divorce rate is fifty-fifty as they say- it's either them or me and I can't afford any legal fees, so I know it ain't gonna be me. And I dare say, if I haven't that kicked that shlep to the curb yet- it ain't gonna happen)
-Geoff will have lost all of his hair, while mine will continue to be thick and lustrous.
-Trent and Lorrie will surprise us and have "one more"- wishful thinking again, maybe. But knowing my brother, the way he is, can't keep his pecker in his pocket (EW, I can't believe I even just said that about my own brother. God, what is wrong with me??) it seems like an accident waiting to happen.

Within ten years...
-Gage will enter prelaw (definitely wishful thinking. Probably what will happen is he'll struggle to 'find himself' while living in our basement and working at Fas Gas)
-I will have to make a difficult decision regarding someone I love (keep it ambiguous- just the way they do on TV), specifically regarding someone with an "A" or a "J" in their name.
-One of my children will enter a turbulent phase, likely Payton, my teenage drama queen- who is, incidentally, only five years old at the moment.
-A family member will have a health crisis.
-I will be in a job completely different from what I am doing now.
-My house will be like "The Jetsons"
-Nuclear technology will have made cats into super cats, and they will establish a civilization of their own, which will threaten to take over life as we know it.

So there it is. My prophecy for my life in the future. Now we shall wait and see.
Just like with the Slap Chop.
Good night.