Friday, May 14, 2010

Pap Test Dummy

An unusual work day today.
Which really says a lot because as an inner city health nurse, every day is unusual in some manner or another.
But today was our first day working out of our new building. Our new building which, as we discovered upon arriving at work today, is still a construction zone. But still we attempted to move in and set up shop, harried though it was.
At some point, the contractors were asking me to point out where the overhead pap test lighting needed to be installed in the exam rooms.
I blinked.
I looked around.
I really wasn't sure how I had become the Pap test lighting expert, and I didn't feel exactly comfortable with it, having never performed a Pap test before. So I had a quick consultation with someone who had. I pulled a doctor into the room with me. "Where should this go?" I asked, light in hand.
Oh, I don't know.
We hemmed and hawed.
It's so hard to know until you actually have to do it, is the thing, the doctor said. She looked at me.
Next thing I knew I was up on the bed, my feet in stirrups. She was shining the light this way and that, trying to decide which angle was better for... well.
You can imagine what for.
Contractors were in and out of the room.
"Don't ask," we both said.
Anyways, the things were installed in what I hope was an appropriate position.
Shortly after that someone else approached me.
"Do you have your vehicle here?" she asked, looking panicked almost.
"Yes," I replied, hesitantly, thinking, OMG- is it being towed away or something??
"The movers need to go back to the other building for another load of stuff. Could you just pull your vehicle in behind them as they pull away so that the spot will be there when they come back?"
It sounded simple.
And still I was nervous about it.
"Will I get a ticket?" I asked.
"No," she assured me.
"Will I have to parallel park?" I asked.
"Probably not,"she said with a shrug. "If you do the movers will help you," she assured me after I hesitated for a minute.
"O-K" I replied tentatively, hoping that by 'help you' she was implying 'get in your vehicle and physically park it themselves." Because that was pretty much what it was going to take.
So, thinking I had covered all the major snafu scenarios, I pulled out of the parking lot and into the street behind the building.
Heavy traffic, I thought, nosing in between two cars.
Slow traffic, I thought, as the traffic, bumper to bumper, crept slowly forward. I tried to pull out of the queu and get ahead of it somehow. The people looked at me with such disgusted stares that I though better of it and stayed in place.
And then I noticed that there was actually a hearse at the beginning of the line, holding things up. And that all the cars had the blinkers on.
I realized, with a sinking feeling, that I had landed myself in the middle of a funeral procession.
Finally I arrived at the builing and happily pulled into the spot (no parallel parking necessary- at least one good thing).
Apparently, I had failed to ask the all important third question: is the church across the street conducting a funeral that's just letting out??

1 comment:

Lorrie said...

Hahahhahahahahhahaha, that could only happen to you my friend!!!!!!!!!