And so you are probably saying, what verdict? I didn't realize we were waiting for a verdict.
Because it all happened so long ago-- I sent away my manuscript out into the world, with a very little postage stamp and a very big dream.
Actually, the postage stamp wasn't so very little. It was pretty big, one of those computer generated bar code dealies. Expensive, too. Cost me about thirty dollars.
But anyways, today I checked my emails and saw a message from Hilary McMahon.
My heart rate sped up. Here it is. The moment I've been waiting for. The moment of truth.
I skimmed through the email quickly, but the words that jumped out at me initially were "with abject horror" and I thought YIKES, this is bad- I mean,honestly, of all the things you DON"T want to read in a rejection letter, the term 'abject horror' has to be up there at the top, along with the phrase "the only good use for this book would be as a sedative". But upon further reading I realized she wasn't talking about my writing, she was saying 'with abject horror I realized that your manuscript was still sitting in a pile in a corner of my office." and then I thought "well that's better" but then I read the next sentence... "I didn't quite fall in love with the characters" and from there on it was citing a difficult market, which truly I understand, as the reason for not wanting to pursue this project. She didn't use the word difficult. I don't want to misquote her (the omnipresent libel threat). She used the term "risk averse".
So, I was disappointed to hear that. But. Life goes on. And as I said to her in my response (I thought it was only right and kind to respond) writing is its own reward and as such I will continue on.
She did suggest that I should try to query some of the agents in the States, which is useful advice as they have many more agents there that deal with womens fiction, and many more, larger, publishing companies to sell them to. And honestly, it hadn't occured to me to try the States. I mean, would they really sign me? I'm just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. Took the midnight train going anywhere.
Wait. Those are song lyrics.
Anyways, I will try that. Onward and upward. I have little faith in it, but still, it doesn't hurt. I always like the feeling of sending out a fresh new query letter. The hope is so high then. It's kind of like playing query letter roulette.
Anyways, something went awry when I sen her my reply. I was proofreading it and somehow inadvertenly pressed the 'send' button and then BLAMMO it was sent. I looked frantically for an 'unsend' button, but apparently there isn't one. I was pretty much done the message anyways except that I didn't write "Kind regards," at the bottom with my name underneath it. Probably she can live without that?? I mean, hopefully she knows who the message is from?? But then when I looked at it again I realized with dismay that in the sentence "Thank you for your response", the 'response' had no 'e'. It just said 'respons' Hopefully at quick glance she will not notice?? Maybe it doesn't sound like a very big deal, but it is VERY bad form to spell something wrong when corresponding with a literary agent.
Good thing she's already rejected me.
She's probably thinking the same thing.
Anyways. Maybe that was my subconsciouses (what's the possessive form of 'subconscious' miss Editor in Chief, hmmm, answer me THAT) way of sticking it to her. It's like "Missy, you just messed with the wrong mother fucker. I'm not even gonna spell check this shit before I send it to you."
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Well, I should be going to bed now.
Wait, what am I talking about?
It's nine oh six.
Maybe I am suffering from a major depressive reaction.
Maybe I am just tired.
Have a good night.