It has now been just over two months since I started my Mat. leave. Pretty scary how fast it goes. It is getting dark out sooner, the air has that chill in it. The seasons are changing yet again, and tis the season for my birthday. Tomorrow is the day, that special day that they forced me unwillingly to enter this world. In retrospect, though, I think they made the right decision. I'm glad I'm here. Turning 31 is pretty OKish. Getting over that 30 hump was the worst, I think. I've accepted the fact that I'm getting old. No, not old. Oldish. For me, turning 30 was sad because I felt that my twenties were the best years, or at least, the most exciting: finishing University, getting married, having Gage and Payton, buying our first home. Lots of highs. And now it's all downhill: the excitement of the new house is now replaced with the reality of leaky pipes and mortgage payments. Excitement over the new marriage is now replaced with the reality of an overweight balding husband who gets more excited over football than me, and who has the incredible talent of seeing the negative side of everything. I mean, honestly. Yesterday I asked him if he liked having a stay at home wife. He replied "well, the money sucks." And I was like "but don't you love it that you're laundry is always done and put away (and vanilla meadow scented, by the way), the kitchen is clean at the end of the day (somewhat), your meals are prepared for you, the fridge just magically is perpetually stocked with groceries." I mean, honestly, I would be ecstatic over being married to myself. Really and truly, I'm not normally one to toot my own horn, but consider it tooted. I'm pretty freaking good in the domestic realm. I'm not Martha Stewart, for sure, but nobody can stand her anyways. And who wants pine cone tea cozies, anyways?? But Geoff, he just shrugged, said 'ya, I guess it's all right.' But I guess it's like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. He probably thinks I have it easy sitting at home all day, not having to go to work. In some ways, he may have a point. Like today, they had this Project Runway Marathon and I got totally addicted to it and watched it ALL DAY. But he doesn't need to know that. That shall remain on a need to know basis and he does not need to know. But still... staying at home is no picnic. Sometimes, at the end of a long day I just feel like an old worn out cow as I roll over to feed my young. Put me out to pasture, I think sometimes.
Another example of him seeing the negative side of things: he refuses to consider my ideas in a positive light. First it was my comedy routine. You know I want to be a stand up comic, and I have a routine all worked out. You would think he would be supportive, right? Wrong. He says that my routine is "painful" and "difficult to watch" and that "I should try really, really hard to hang on to my day job for as long as possible." So then I 'hatched' a new plan: A chicken farm. Right in our back yard. I drew up a blueprint for a chicken coop, bought some chicken wire, crunched the numbers: If we could produce a dozen eggs a day and sell them at a dollar a dozen we could be making upwards of thirty dollars a month! Right away, he says that thirty dollars a month isn't actually very much money, and in fact we would be well below the poverty line. I said that it wasn't too bad when you consider the fact that the chickens are doing all the work. But no. He says it won't work and outright refuses to even try. So then last night, I had a brilliant new idea. The worlds most giantest taco. And he says that the ingredients would probably be really expensive. And I said but "you have to spend money to make money, right?" and he says "but we wouldn't be making any money off of it." And I said "of course we would: royalties from the Guiness Book of World Records". But apparently you don't get royalties from that, but whatever, I said. We would still be famous, anyways, and famous people are rich, aren't they? And besides, it doesn't matter about the money. If you're passionate about doing something you take that leap of faith and do it. I mean, did Van Gough make a ton of money when he painted 'Starry Night'? No, I don't think so. He cut his freaking ear off so I guess times weren't very good, but that certainly didn't stop him, did it? But Geoff just doesn't get it. And then it's like he gets mad at me, when I'm the one coming up with all these innovative ideas. It's like they say, "if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem". Dude, you're part of the problem.
Anyways, onto other issues. Lex is getting big, and he's doing well. It's a funny thing watching your children grow. The moment they are born you look at them and fall so in love and you think "I couldn't possibly love someone more than this" but then two months later they look at you in the morning and just give you this amazing smile, and you realize, you can. You just love them more and more all the time.
Until they start wearing the same socks for three days in a row and refuse to change them.
Then some of the charm wears off. But that's way down the line...