Sunday, February 1, 2009

Oops I did it again.

Some months ago we got rid of all our credit cards. Truly, I was happy to see them go. That magical swipe seemed so easy, and it was just so tempting. If I see a nice pair of slacks or say, a cute little playful puppy, I could just pull it out the trusty old credit card and walk away with that new pair of slacks or new puppy. Instant gratification.

But then when the bills started coming in and the puppy started peeing on your carpet, I would wonder "what the hell was I thinking??" (Note to self: I think I could possibly have an impulse control disorder. Investigate.) So then we took all of our credit cards and paid them down and got rid of them.

Alas, we kept one.

"For emergencies".

Lately I have been really broadening the definition of 'emergency' quite a bit.

Late night craving for Taco Time. Emergency. I could die!! I need that meat and that cheese- it's not a frivilous craving. It's sustenance. My body will surely perish without it. And not just that. The baby!! I can't let him starve. I must fuel up. If not for my own sake- then surely his. How can I deprive that cute little toothy smile??

Debbie Travis Reed Diffusers (Lemon mint scented!!). Emergency. I mean, just imagine how much more inviting my home will be with the light scent of lemon and mint mingling in the air. We can have dinner parties and soirees, and maybe host charity benefits. How much more house work can I accomplish with the invigorating scent of lemon stimulating my senses?? How much more relaxed will the children be?? And who knows where that will lead them?? Ivy League?? Who's to say. It's not just a reed diffuser, it's an entire lifestyle philosophy, really, and we will benefit untold amounts from it- both in the short term and in the long term.
Except that, as it turns out, you actually can't smell them at all unless you're standing about three inches away from them.
But still... they're nice.

And then I started to, and quite honestly I don't know what possessed me to do it, presicely, but I started surfing the net for interesting soothers. And I saw some that you could personalize with your babys name on it. And it turns out that Brad and Angelina have the very same one for their babies!!! And I just knew, knew in my heart that Alex absolutely had to have one. It was fate. Fate!! It brought me to this website in this first place. I began to wonder what kind of mother I was, buying plain old Playtex soothers from the Supermarket. They now seemed so shabby- they're pastel blues and greens- BLAH. How had I lived all this time with this mediocity??? I NEEDED those personalized soothers. And besides, the mere practicality of it!! They would never get mixed up with anyones elses!! So then I decided, well OK. If I'm going to buy one, I might as well buy three, because inevitably, these things can get lost and what a hassle it would be to have to order it again and wait for the shipping. And the poor baby- how will sleep without his favorite Sucky.

Exactly.

So then I started looking at these other soothers. And they had one that said Mammas Boy- and of course I had to have that one. And they had one that said McDrooley, and I knew I just had to have that one as well. And then they had one that said that "Boob Man" and my heart leapt with joy. I needed that Boob Man soother so badly. But then when I clicked on it, they were sold out!! Sold OUT. Of all the bloody nerve. They wave this soother in front of my face until I'm salivating over it. And then they just take it all away. I felt sickened and saddened. I had to find another way. So I found another website and ordered it up. Who cares if there's a twenty dollar shipping fee anyway for one soother?? Totally worth it, I think. I can just imagine how cool I'll be walking into a room with my baby in my arms, sucking on his boob man soother. Heads will turn. Everyone will want to know where I got my soother. Other babies will be jealous. Other moms will be jealous of me, my soother collection and my savy. Their babies will look stupid with their dumb, cheap, grocery store soothers plunked in their mouths and I'll have to stifle a laugh.

But then when I go to bed, I start to do the math. Six soothers. Fifty some dollars. An inkling of regret starts to sink in my stomach. I should not have done that. That's not an emergency. Those soothers won't keep us warm in the night if our furnace dies in the middle of the night and we need repairs.

But anyways. I'm sure it will all work out. Our furnace looks pretty trusty. And as far as Geoff is concerned- well I'm not going to tell you what he said about the whole thing because it was rather inappropriate, though it was along the lines of finding other, cheaper means of sating my oral fixation.
Ew.
Anyways, things here at home are going well- other than the credit card use- which I will cut back on. Except for one thing. Tonight I actually had all the children asleep at seven p.m- my three and even the one I am babysitting. At first I was like "Wow this is great. They're all asleep. I have the whole evening to myself." And then I laid down to relax, feeling a bit sleepy myself all of a sudden. But then abruptly I sat up, panicked "Do we have carbon monoxide poisoning??" I started to wonder. We don't even have a carbon monoxide detector!!! What kind of a lousy excuse for a parent am I? Living in a house without a carbon monoxide detector. I might as well just feed my children asbestos for breakfast and shoot crack up my arm. Social services should be involved.
And I know- I just KNOW that I absolutely MUST have a carbon monoxide detector. ASAP.
Emergency.

2 comments:

Lorrie said...

All I can say is that kid better suck on soothers 'till he's 5 to recoup the money spent. Then you can tell Geoff it's more of a long term investment. But then comes the speech pathologist and Dentist bill...there goes smart financial investing in soothers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haha!

n.straker said...

I guess I should have just looked on here about the soothers...then I wouldn't have had to actually talk to you...just kidding...LOVE talking to you! I think they were an emergency...especially since I saw him with the pink soother!
I have to say that I would be the exact same way. The shopping channel now sells Smashbox cosmetics! That would be a very big emergency purchase. Why do I have these lines around my eyes if i can get the foundation primer. My life would be so much more amazing. No food or water, but look at the condition of my face...like a babies bottom!
Please just do not use your credit card at Petland. We should put your pic up at the till...Do NOT sell a puppy to this woman!