So it was decided that Gage and Payton would go to the lake for the break. I was excited about the prospect of being a mostly kids free household. But then last night- and this always happens at night- I start to worry about things that I don't normally worry about, like the rising cost of electricity and if we should be clipping the dogs toe nails more often. I started to think 'what if the road conditions are bad" and "what if I miss the kids" and "should I really let them go?" I was having a lot of doubts.
And then, at 7:53 this morning when Payton came bouncing exuberantly into my bed, thereby waking up Alex, singing (or shouting) "GO CAPTAIN GO" along with her "MP3D" player (as she calls it) I began to worry a little less. And then Gage comes upstairs wearing a pair of stained, dirty jeans, so of course I tell him to change. He pitches a fit like as though I just asked him to self amputate his own arm. "I won't do it!" "You can't make me!" "It's my body- it's my choice - (I think this has to do with a recent health unit or something, THANK YOU public school system!) so FINALLY after about half an hour of fighting, he retreats to the basement with a heavy slam of the door. He comes upstairs, stands there, hunched over "you happy now?" he asks with an exaggerated gesture to his pants. I look at him. He now has on a pair of jeans that are a size too small, completely threadbare, with huge rips across the knees. I mean, where on Earth does he even find these clothes first of all- and secondly- the mere impracticality of wearing these jeans when it's minus forty four outside. Like, I just couldn't believe it. So again I ask him to change and again it's like trying to prod along an angry ox or something- nostrils flaring, barely intelligible grunts and groans, stomping of the feet. I mean, my expectations aren't that high. I just kind of don't really want him leaving the house looking one of the kids I saw on the Dateline special last night "Children of the Appalachia". God.
So after all this, I was like "You know what? To hell with the road conditions. They'll have their seat belts on, after all. And the way they build those vehicles these days- they can withstand a lot of impact. And besides, with the way emergency medicine is advancing- I'm sure that they can be patched up nicely in any event."
So they are gone. And maybe, as a mother, I should be feeling guilty or saddened or something, but right now I am feeling predominantly relieved that in the next five days I will not have to utter the sentence "but you can't even taste the mushrooms!" or "did you wipe your bum?"- well at least, hopefully- given the fact that the person at the other end of the conversation could only be Geoff. And the prospect of having just one kid- which at one point seemed such a huge ordeal- is suddenly very exciting and liberating.
You may note that today is Valentines Day. I guess most people would be planning a big night of romance, especially in light of the fact that we were able to dump- er, temporarily relocate, the older children of the clan. But alas, we are not most people. We are unfortunately I think I little too far down the marriage slump road to celebrate Valentines day, although Geoff and I did enjoy a slice of toasted Heart Smart bread in honor of the occasion. We are planning on staying in, actually doing a little aunty-nephew bonding, so I am looking forward to that.
And oh, I shouldn't post this on here at all, but I'm going to do it anyways because we all know that no one reads this blog anyways- and by 'we all' I mean you and I, Lorrie. So this is kind of a cute story--well cute, funny, degrading, however you want to spin it. Last night I was watching Supernanny. Geoff always mumbles and groans about that show and how he doesn't like it, but now I've found out why. Payton called me out of the room, so I went and dealt with her, and upon returning to the living room I found Geoff wiping his eyes rather vigorously. I asked him if he was crying, half expecting an enthusiastic denial, but he was all weepy like "well, I can't help it- the dad and the daughter, they're finally starting to communicate, they're breaking down the barriers, and the dad... he's so afraid of losing her."
I was like A)I don't watch Supernanny to get emotionally involved in the storyline, I watch it to be judgemental of other peoples parenting techniques and B)Maybe we need to look at getting you back at work. This staying at home thing is making you a little loopy.
Oh, he would kill me if he read this.
I'm almost feeling bad enough to press the delete button.
But not quite.