When I was sixteen, my uncle moved in with us.
He was "in recovery," apparently, as people politely and quietly termed it, which does sound nicer than 'trying to quit getting blotto every day'.
He started having weird, bearded people over, holding "table meetings" talking in hushed voices over the "big book" and drinking copious amounts of coffee.
He started saying weird stuff. "Let go and let God." "Easy does it." "One day at a time."
The whole thing, from my vantage point, was very odd.
But kudos to him, he's still sober to this very day.
It seemed strange to me that that very phrase "Let go and let God" popped into my head earlier today.
Get out! I told it. I'm not in recovery! I don't want to be! My motto is that binging is okay, in moderation.
But yesterday when I was on query tracker, I saw that someone posted a new comment on Trish's profile.
I clicked on it, feeling excited.
I think now that I must have been expecting, or maybe even hoping, that someone was writing to say that she had rejected them.
Perhaps something like this:
"Query: October 1st 2010. Form reject: October 20th. Oh, well. Onwards and upwards."
To which I would feel quite smug and satisfied and superior, and try to resist the impulse to reply "Sucks to be you, she's reading mine right now, maybe as we speak, or type, or whatever."
So when I saw "She requested my full, fingers crossed!" I felt, inexplicably, a frisson of- something. Irritation?
She was requesting a full from someone else!
How could she!
I hate to admit that I felt that way, even for a second, or a fraction thereof.
I talked myself out of that really quickly, though.
Try to think of it this way, I thought: her and I are in the same boat right now. She's not my competition, she's my ally. Trish might sign both of us. Her and Trish and I could all become best friends!
Or Trish could reject both of us, and we could console each other.
Obviously, there's a third alternative, though I prefer not to think of it.
Anyways, I sent a quick reply saying congratulations and keep me posted.
And later, at home, I had a glass of wine.
And then, suddenly, I felt a lot better about it.
It may well be true that I've learned a lot from a recovering alcoholic, but not exactly everything.
I mean, you can't believe everything they say in AA.
But then I started to wonder, when should I send a follow up to Trish?
Some people say six months.
Some people say one month.
Some people say never.
And then if I do write a follow up, what do I write?
I don't want to come across as a pest.
But at the same time, I do wonder if she even received my submission, especially in light of the fact that she said that my original email was found in her spam filter.
So I fretted over it.
And that's when I heard it: a little voice in my head that said 'let go and let God.' I know, hearing voices is bad, right?
But it seemed like good advice, even if a sign of probable psychosis.
So for the moment, I've decided to just leave it alone.
Focus on my next project.
And I've set a goal to complete Deal Breaker on or before I leave for Mexico, which is on January 14th 2011, which is 84 days away.
It's very doable, since it's currently at the half way point.
However, I will have to make certain sacrifices.
Yes, that means you.
I will probably post less frequently- once or twice a week, to keep you updated.
Because I'm a friend of a friend of Bill W., and I know what he would say:
Easy does it.