Monday, April 5, 2010

First things first. My last post isn't quite sitting right with me. First of all, some elements were slightly exaggerated, for creative purposes. For example, I wasn't wearing silver ballet flats. They were, in point of fact, black. I just thought in my minds eye that silver would give a better overall impression, although- not necessarily to the garage party crowd, mind you. Also, I don't want to paint myself as being stuck up or snobby. Upon further reflection, I don't think that's the case. I certainly don't want come across as sticking my nose up at the very people who were gracious enough to have me as a guest. In their garage, albeit, but still. And certainly, I am anything but glamorous or high fashion or high maintenance.
I am sort of an enigma. I'm not meticulous about my appearance, and yet not to the extent that I would consider wearing a lumber jacket to a social engagement. Or even wearing one period. I mean, not to dismiss the lumber jacket people, but really?? Really??
The point is I often feel slightly out of place, even in any set of circumstances. I remember once going out for lunch with a coworker. I was thinking of ordering a glass of wine. My coworker declined, citing her reason as having taken a Claritin several hours earlier. Out of place. I mean, I am not a wild party animal, not by any stretch of the imagination. And yet I am not restrained to the point of considering Claritin an absolute contraindication to drinking. It's Claritin. Not an eight ball.
Whatever that is.
Onto other matters.
For the long weekend, we decided to go to the lake. We had planned on leaving at 12 noon on Friday, which gave me- er, US, all morning on Friday to get things ready. Okay. So. Here's how I spent Friday morning:
0730- woke up with Payton and Alex. Change Alex diaper. Actually, no f**k that. Bath Alex. (FYI- Alex prone to explosive diarrhea.)
0800- Javex out the bath tub and all the bath toys after has another runny poop in the bathtub.
0810- Scramble eggs for brekky.
0820- Feed kids.
8045-Wash kids.
0900-Throw a load of laundry in the wash.
0915-Wash dishes from breakfast. Unload dishwasher. Make coffee. Get Alex down from the counter where he is eating sugar from the sugar bow.
0930- Clean sugar from the floor.
0935-Get Alex out of the bathroom where he has attempted to flush half a roll of toilet paper down the toilet.
0940-Plunge the toilet.
0950-Get dressed. Get Payton and Alex dressed.
1000-Put wash in the dryer.
1015-Start packing up Payton and Alex.
1040-Start packing for myself.
1100-Repack the clothes that Alex unpacked.
1110-Place first of series of desperate phone calls to Geoff.
1111-Phone Geoff again.
1113-Phone Geoff. Leave long, detailed message.
1115-Sweep the floors. Talk to Geoff via phone. F*** that. Yell at Geoff via phone.
1120-Get clothes from dryer. Attempt to fold them while Alex unfolds them.
1130-Fold and pack the play pen.
1135-Respond to Alex crying at the bottom of the stairs.
1140-Wash the floors.
1150-Take garbage out.
1200-Leave for lake.

Geoffs schedule:
0930- Wake up. Go for cigarette.
1000- Long, leisurely shower and shave.
1030-Go for car wash.
1130-Return home. Pack few items for lake. Make a big production of it.
1200- leave for lake. Make comment that I should try keeping my vehicle as clean as his.

And so this begins my so called break from work.
Needless to say, I was pretty pissy with him the way up. I mean, first of all- well where to even start. I mean, could you pick another day to go for a car wash?? And secondly- have you ever considered that the kids could go with? I went today, and I brought them, and they loved it. They helped me wash the van, I payed them with a sucker for the way home, and so it's all good.
Anyways. I had words with Geoff and he did apologize, but still sometimes, I just could kill him. And now mothers day is around the corner again. It better be better than another ham scented candle this year. Honestly, I don't think I can take another ham scented candle.
That's all I can say.


Lorrie said...

I totally knew you were elaborating on the flats but it gave a good visual of how over dressed you were haha! Oh, and while your setting the record straight, did you really have a slicked back pony tail???
This blog was hilarious to read because I just went through the same damn thing with T on Saturday. He literally walked around in circles for the two hours I was boiling bottles, bathing 2 kids, packing for 4 people, and boiling eggs to colour!!!!!!!! Then he had the BALLS to act annoyed that I hadn't packed him an extra pair of socks.

randine said...

Thank you for your comment. The only consolation I have for being married to a dumbass is that there are others out there married to dumbasses. We should start a support group. Legit. Coffee, muffins, twelve steps, all that.

Nadine said...

Perhaps you could write a book/ movie, about the hardships of being married to a dumbass! (or is that what deal breaker is about?) You know it would be gold as there are many women out there in the same, desperate situation...haha! I know my dumbass, I mean loving husband, has many moments as well! I could give you many examples, but it would take up way too much room!!