Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Things I Don't Understand

Things I Don't Understand...

-The "Emergency Feed" button on my paper towel dispenser at work. I cannot,simply cannot, imagine a paper towel emergency, and I have a pretty good imagination. I have never been in an emergency situation and had someone yell "Get some paper towel, medium absorbency, STAT."

-Why the makers of Canesten, etc, produce, market, and distribute a seven day treatment alongside a one day treatment. Especially when said treatment involves a giant, disgusting suppository. I mean, who's buying the seven day treatment? It's not even cheaper than the one day treatment.

-Why my shampoo bottle contains the warning "For external use only."

-Why my daughters bathing suit, size 6X, has a built in bra in it. Really? Really? Six year olds need bras now? WTF.


-Why the label on my underwear contains the instructions "lay flat to dry. Low iron." I mean, I'm not going to lay my underwear flat to dry and have it draped all over the house, much less iron it. I wear it on my ass for Gods sake!

-The show Intervention. Last night, after a long day at work and dealing with a great many things on the home front, I finally sat down after the kids were in bed, poured myself a glass of wine, and settled in to watch some TV. It happened to be Intervention. Let me tell you, if anything can make a person not enjoy a glass of shraz at the end of the day, it's that show.  It kept on showing all these grizzly statistics about how drinking destroys people's lives. Grim faced addiction counsellors speak on camera that drinking alone is a "major red flag."
I took a slow sip of my wine, tentatively, feeling it burn uncharacteristically as I swallowed.
"It's not my fault that my husband works such long, bloody, blasted hours."
And now I'm talking to the TV.
Probably another ":major red flag.
It ended up that most of my wine down the sink.
That's the last time I watch that show, y'all.
Anyways, have a good day!

1 comment:

Joann Mannix said...

Hey Randine,

Hope you get this in time. The ever adorable Nathan Bransford is having a contest over at his blog. 1000th commenter gets a query and 5 page critique from him. I know you've already got someone looking, but it never hurts to have Nathan on your side. Last I checked he was up to 595 comments.