Thursday, April 19, 2007

Not what I was hoping for...

Well, I have heard from my doctor and the news is not what I was hoping for. My HcG on Tuesday was 35,000- which she had said was actually very reassuring at that point. But then today it was down to 30,000- which she said that the only way the numbers would go down is in the case of fetal demise, with a normal pregnancy they double every 48hours. So even though I thought that I was prepared for bad news, it was still very sad to hear, I felt the words like a physical assault. I guess we can never really prepare ourselves for stuff like this. I knew from what I had read on the internet that the chances weren't good at all, but I guess deep down inside I carried the hope that I was going to be the one to beat the odds. Anyways, for me this pregnancy started out full of hope. I simply thought that there was no way that I would lose another one. The last time ended badly, but that was a freak thing and it wouldn't, couldn't, happen again. I can still remember the day in Lorrie's kitchen when I first found out. I wish I could rewind time and go back til then. What I would do differently, I don't know. I did what I could. Folic acid before I got pregnant. Materna as soon as I found out. No alcohol. No smoking. Ate healthy, etc. Anyways, I guess it was all for not. What makes it worse for me is that my due date for Reid is coming up quick- May 4th. And now, instead of celebrating new life, I am, once again, grieving for it. But, I guess, life will go on...
Tomorrow I am supposed to go and see an OBGYN who will book me for a D&C, probably early next week. I have the option of a 'do it yourself abortion'- where they give meds to induce cramps. But I took that shit once before and all that happened was I bled all damn night and then found out that it was only partially effective and had to have a D&C anyways. So I think it will be easier to just take the surgery and be done. Anyways, thank you all for your care and concern over the last week. I guess the good news is- this is one way to get two paid weeks off work.

3 comments:

vsorowski said...

So sorry, I really thought it would be OK! I could say alot of useless cliches, but I wont!
Who needs'em? Love ya, see ya tomorrow!XO Mom

Lorrie said...

We've been through it and I STILL don't know what's appropriate to say when someone you love goes through this sooooooo....
Love you and Geoff and the Pay and Gage.

n.straker said...

Randine, Im so sorry for you. You have been put through way too much.
I love you and if you need ANYTHING, please call.
Love Nikki
PS, PayPay and Liam played so good together this week, so if you ever need me to watch her, just call!