Friday, July 30, 2010

My Life As A Shadowy Figure

Lately I have been spending a lot of time reading other peoples blogs.

But I'm starting to feel really self conscious about the fact that I have a big, ugly, gray head.

Whenever I pop up, that's what I look like. I look kind of menacing, don't you think? Like some kind of a shadowy/stalkery figure.
I tried, believe me you, I tried, to upload a nicer picture. But it won't accept the one and only picture of myself that I would post on the Internet. It just gives me an error message that says it's too big. I think they mean the file size and not the actual size of my head.
I hope.
So just find another picture, right?
Okay, here's the problem. This is what I have in the way of pictures of myself:
-about three hundred wedding photos
-about a dozen pictures of me in labor with Alex. Under any normal set of circumstances I shy away from the camera. But put me in an ugly blue hospital gown that makes me look, literally, like a whale and all of a sudden I'm like "take a picture of me next to my IV pole." Maybe it was just the drugs they were giving me. I don't know. The worst possible photo op in the world and I'm all over it like white on rice.
-about ten pictures of me in various post partum states: proudly holding my baby for the first time on the labor and delivery unit, being discharged from the hospital, nursing Alex. In all of these pictures I look like I've been on a four day drinking binge, and possibly like I might have just had an allergic reaction to swordfish which caused severe facial swelling. And I have to say that in all the pictures I have of me nursing Alex, I don't look at all like those glossy posters of breastfeeding moms you see in doctors offices, that are smiling blissfully at their pink swaddled bundles who have their lips curled around a just barely exposed nipple. I look like a stunt double in Fight Club.
-and lastly- a ten year old glamour shot of me in which I look a lot like Molly Ringwald's character in The Breakfast Club. (Note to my family: if I ever get abducted or anything untowards like that and they need a photo to release to the media, please DO NOT use this photo. I can imagine what would happen. Much to Molly Ringwalds chagrin, she would be abducted and delivered to my door. Meanwhile, I would still be out there getting beaten in a basement dugout whilst shackled to the wall.)
But that's the way it is when you have kids, isn't it? I have bazillions of pictures of my kids all over the place- on the fridge, filling up my hard drive, on CDs and discs and in albums.
But find a picture of me where I'm not wearing bridal gown or a hospital gown or look like Molly Ringwald??
No can doozle.
Anyways, I will work on the picture, I promise.
And for those of you whose blogs I follow- trust me that I am not menacing or stalkery (at least not generally speaking), and I look nicer in real life (marginally), and please forgive the impersonal nature of my picture.


Dee said...

Can you resize the picture that you want to use?

randine said...

YES! I'm sure that there must be a way, I just don't know how. My little gray head doesn't have much knowledge of computer thingies.

Joann Mannix said...

Resize. I'm telling you. Resize. I had the same problem, once I cropped my pic, piece of cake.

And me too, I've got no pictures of me that are worth anything these days, especially with 3 daughters who spend their time the minute the camera comes out posing away.

Dee said...

if you'd like, email it to me and I will resize it for you.