Meet the Squig

This is the tiny squiggle that is causing so much stress. Not a great pic, especially in light of the fact that I don't have a scanner (live on the Westside- lucky to have a computer), so I had to take a picture of it and then download the picture on here. Anyways, the white is my uterus. The black hole is the getstational sac. The little white lump at the bottom is the baby squiggle, or as a like to call her, Squig. Five days ago that black hole was just that-- a black hole without the lump.It is difficult to determine a sex at this age but I am quite certain it is female. She just looks so dainty. And besides, several reliable signs seem to indicate a female gender: 1) the dream I had the night before my (first) ill fated ultrasound 2)The psychic who said that I would have two more kids- first a boy followed closely by a girl. I already had the boy (Reid), so this must be my girl and 3) The ancient chinese gender prediction chart. So in light of all this evidence, I have named the Squig Harper Grace Makepeace, because I think it really suits her.

For those of you have read the information on the internet about low fetal heart rates, you will know that it is not very encouraging. But I am trying to remain optimistic, as like I said before 'it's not over til the fat lady sings'. Also, I have worked in the NICU and nurses there have told me stories of how miracles do happen. They say that have seen cases where there was a 0% chance of survival (ie: Apgars of 0 and 0), but things inexplicably turned around and everything was AOK. For example: one woman presented in the ER on a cold night carrying a dead fetus and bleeding profusely. The first thing they did was weigh the fetus. It came in at just under 400 grams, which is below the limit for attempting resusitation. So they left the baby on the weigh scale, with no blankets or oxygen and tended to the woman who was in critical condition. An hour later, after stabilizing her, they returned to the fetus to clean it, etc, to give it to the parents to say good bye. But when they returned to the weigh scale the baby was breathing spontaneously, which they say is simply not possible physiologically speaking. So they went and started working on the baby, stablilized him, and to this day they say he is alive and well fifteen years later. Another story of hope: a woman, only 23 weeks pregnant, felt some abdominal pains and did what we all do: went to the toilet, where she ended up delivering a baby girl right into the toilet water. She fished it out, and put it in salad bowl, covering with towels and clamping the cord with a shoelace. The baby came to the unit extremely hypothermic and very low birth weight. The chances weren't good. But four months later that little one went home to her parents, albeit after losing an arm and with some damage to her retinas which could render her blind. But the fact is that sometimes, even when given the worst possible odds, a baby who is truly meant to be here can overcome anything. And so I will continue to hope for my little Harper.

I had blood work done today and will go again Thursday. With any luck, the numbers will keep going up. Its frustrating that I have to wait until Friday to find out anything, when it would seem so much easier just to do another ultrasound right away and find out for sure how things are shaping up. But what can I do? Anyways, when thinking about it all of my pregnancies have been slow starts. With Gage I had bleeding early on, and an ultrasound at 5 weeks 5 days showed no heart, but Dr. Eldemire was my doc at that time (who is now suspended for malpractice, I might add) and he pretty much said that was fine, don't expect a heart beat so early anyways. But Gage turned out OK. And with Payty, I didn't get a positive result until a full week after my period was due, so obviously my hormones remained quite low for the first week or so. Who knows what an early ultrasound might have shown. And also, I'm not bleeding at all, which I think is a good sign because it seemed that many of the woman on that website had bleeding. And today I felt a bit nauseated for a while there, though I think that could be because all I did all day was lay in bed and eat Dill pickle chips. Anyways, I guess all I can do right now is wait and hope. Thank you for your comments and concern.