Thursday, August 30, 2007

Another tatoo for me

I had my ultrasound this morning. On the way there the sun was shining. "Good Vibrations" (by Marky Mark) was playing on the radio. I recalled my last appointment where it was drizzly and cool and sad songs were playing. I thought maybe the contrast between the two appointment dates was a sign that this appointment was destined to go better. I allowed myself to get my hopes up. But I should not have. The gestational sac that was there before is still there, but it is flat like a pancake now. The walls have collapsed in because there is nothing inside to keep them open anymore. So it seems that once again I will have to try to pick up the pieces and move on. It's weird because I never held out much hope for this pregnancy from the beginning, but I guess there was always this part of me that thought I would be wrong. This part of me that always insisted 'it won't happen again!'. I took the results in stride, it seemed so surreal that this was happening again. I guess there are worse things in life- but it still seems unfair. Well, anyways, I'm going to go now and maybe take a nap. I didn't sleep well last night- worried about the appointment and so on. Thanks for reading.

3 comments:

jayceelee said...

Randine...
I am really sorry about your situation. This is totally not fair to you and your family. I wish nothing but the best you you and your family in the future!!
Love you and thinking of you
Jody

Lorrie said...

WHEN...not if...WHEN you have your third and final baba it is going to be the cutest, smartest, best bowler, etc. because going through this much pain must have a happy ending. I'm sorry for you and hope your appointment in September sheds some light on this insanity. Thinking of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jackie_care said...

Hey Randine, just wanted to say sorry for your loss and hopefully everything will work out for you soon.