Tuesday, August 24, 2010

My Life In B Flat

That was the last coherent thought I had last night, if you can call that coherent.
I don't know why those words came to me, I have no idea what B flat is. Even after looking it up on Wikipedia, I'm still not so sure. It has to do with music.
But I like it, despite the fact that is sounds like a reference to my chest size.
It just sounds so perfectly like the way my life has been going lately. Sort of humdrum.

It's called the hynagogic. That state where you're straddling sleep and wake at the same time, and you can think of lots of weird things in this state.  I learned all about at a work mandated Sleep Seminar, which was awesome, but in a sucky kind of way, because it make me sleepy. Basically a three day seminar with break out sessions and power point and all that (no actual sleeping), which basically boiled down to: sleep is good. You should get some.

I disregarded most of the things we learned.
-Listen to nature sounds at bedtime (I  hate nature. I want the Sopranos.)
-No TV in the bedroom (See: above)
-Invest in the most expensive mattress you can afford. (I'd rather eat, thanks)
-Whatever time you first wake up in the morning- be it five or six or seven, just wake up. Don't disrupt your body's natural sleep cycle by forcing yourself back to sleep. (F that. There is NO WAY I'm getting up at five, unless the house is on fire. And even then, I'd be like "let's just wait it out for a bit. Maybe this will be one of those deals that sticks to the kitchen.")

Crap advise, really, if you ask me.
If you have trouble sleeping, that's what they invented Ambien for.
The only thing that seemed doable for me was to sleep with the window open. Apparently, you should always have fresh air in your room. Doesn't matter if it's forty below, which, where I live, it is for six months of the year.
Sleeping with the window open has become a habit for me. But lately I realize that it hasn't been serving me that well, even aside from the fact that during the winter months I could sublet space in my bedroom to a butcher shop. They could hang animal carcasses in there. It would be creepy, but, temperature wise, it would be fine.

There's some kind of an animal in my yard. I don't know what it is but it sounds like a porpoise getting a root canal. Not that I know what that sounds like. But it makes this sound, a sound like nothing I've ever heard before, some kind of a keening sound, almost, maybe.
And the other night, someones car alarm went off for about ten solid minutes. Finally, mercifully, it stopped.
I was just starting to fall back asleep when it started going off again. Maybe it was someone else's. I didn't know, couldn't be sure. But I was like "just steal the mother fucking car already, what is the hold up?"
Then again, maybe it was the porpoise.
I don't know.
But I'm tired.

1 comment:

Terri said...

You've read about my mattress issues so I am all for spending some good money on one now......we can eat KD and bologna for a month or two.

We have foxes that sound like a murder party going on in the field beside our house.