I think I may have stumbled across the reason I have not yet been able to get an agent when I stumbled across this website: You Say Weird Like It's a Bad Thing.
According to this list of rules for writers, I have done nearly everything wrong.
Which means, I think, that I've actually done something right.
It's a good time.
Just so you know: it will give you a content warning before you enter the site, which made a little nervous. I wondered for a second if I was going to be bombarded with images of weird sex stuff, stuff that might actually get me fired from my job for merely having it on my browser history.
But it's not bad. So don't worry.
It's interesting, I thought, that the way they tell you to query an agent runs completely contrary to everything I've read on agency websites. But I guess that's because the agents aren't going to spell out the secret to success. They want you to dig for it yourself.
If only I had read this before I started querying...