Geoff: "Why is it always so hot in the house when I get home from work?"
Me: "Because I turn the air conditioner off after you fall asleep at night, and leave it off until we get home from work."
Geoff: Heavy silence
Uh-oh. This shit's about to get heavy.
Me: "Well. It's just that you know that when the kids are sleeping they kick off their blankies and then I wonder if they're toes are getting cold and maybe even turning purple a little bit, so then since it's not like it's hot outside, I turn off the A/C off. And since we're gone at work all day, I figure we don't really need it. And besides that, it's only 24 degrees outside, which isn't even that hot."
Geoff (forced calm): "Yes, but the problem is that the house doesn't really cool off until bed time."
Me: "Which is perfect because that's when it really counts. And it's a money thing. You're the one who always says that we should save money."
Geoff: "Just. Don't. Touch. The A/C. If you get cold, you can put a sweater on. If I get hot, I can't put a sweater on."
Me: "Well, technically, you could, but I think it would be kind of a stupid thing to do. It would only make you hotter. Which would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it??"
Geoff: Evil Glare.
Me: "Don't judge me. You don't know me. I just killed six mosquitoes tonight. In self defense. Possibly seven. I don't really know. That seventh one, he was just kind of hanging on. I actually kind of feel bad for him now. I messed him up but good."
Geoff: Heavy sigh.
BOOYA. I win, asshole. There is no come back for that shit.
Except for I kind of lose anyways, because I don't dare turn off the air conditioning anymore in the night.
Anyways. I finally got around to cleaning my floors this weekend, and I just have to say that the new Shark steam mop is the best thing since my dearly departed Slap Chop (RIP. It was good while it lasted. And while we're on the subject, I have a sneaking suspicion that Geoff broke it accidentally on purpose, on account of the fact that he was jealous of my relationship with Vince. Because I did love his nuts.)