Yesterday my friend arrived. I don't know why they call it that. Friend?? More like enemy. Arch nemesis. But what can you do?? It's just so frustrating, especially when I work in a clinic where it seems every crack smoking whore can get pregnant, but I can't. Perhaps I should start shooting meth. Argh.
But at the same time, there is a small amount of relief in knowing. I think the worst thing is not knowing if your pregnant or not, trying not to get your hopes up but at the same time avoiding alcohol and caffeine 'just in case'. So at least I know. I'm going to go out tonight with my husband and sister in law and brother. And believe you me, there will be no avoiding of alcohol or caffeine. Hopefully, this will be last month of drinking. I know its only been two months of trying (one, really), but I honestly don't think we'll try for much longer. As it stands now Gage will be ten before this hypothetical baby is born. Payton will be three and a half. We need to finish our family soon. I don't want to have another one once Payton is already four and in playschool and somewhat independent. The whole idea of having another one was to have it really close to Payton so that they could grow up together, share a room, etc. But that gap is widening and widening.
Yesterday I went on IVillage, and when I logged on it said "Hello Randine. You are thirty weeks pregnant", because I had entered my due date and that on there when I was pregnant with Reid. I obviously hadn't been back on there since I lost him. It made me so mad. I was like "I should be having this baby in ten weeks! Not sitting here doing pregnancy test after pregnancy test, all of which are negative, at best a 'weak positive'.
But such is life. Oh well. And the worst part is that I now have another month of cleaning kitty litter. At least.
And as if that wasn't enough. The damn Brick called last night. Our boxspring came in but the matress is still on back order until Wednesday. I'm beginning to think this so called bed doesn't exist. Anyways, I shall go now.
Cue "Bad Day" by Daniel Powder.
And fade to black.