Sunday, March 25, 2007

Domestic Drudgery

Here is a breakdown of how I have spent my days off:
Friday: 5:30-6:30 Grocery shopping (after working a full 8hr day)
6:30-7:00 Unloading groceries. The dog runs away. Chasing the dog. Trying to keep the dogs away from the groceries. Trying to keep the kids away from the groceries. Suddenly they are like children from the wild, ripping through the bags, grabbing at items as though they have never seen food before. "Oh we've got cookies", tearing into the cookies and then abandoning them for something else "Oh we have strawberries". The strawberries will meet a similar fate once they discover the fruit roll ups.
7:00-7:04 Trying to wolf down a bun quickly.
7:05-8:00 Putting away groceries while simultaneously chucking half the contents of the refrigerator. Moldy tomato from two weeks ago. Spaghetti from who knows when.
8:00-8:15 Cleaning up various biological spills that have occured while I have been occupied in the kitchen. Payton has peed her pants. Baxter has crapped on the floor. JD has vomited from eating a stray strawberry.
8:15 Yelling at the kids that they have had enough to eat.
8:16 Getting Payton to bed.
9:00: Collapsing into bed. Too tired to read or watch TV

0740: Letting Baxter out of his kennel. Taking him outside.
0745: Getting up with Payton
0800: Loading the dishwasher
0815: Making Payton waffles.
0830: Putting in the first of umpteen loads of laundry.
0845: Doing dishes
0900: Brushing my teeth.
0902: Making Gage toast and cereal
0905: Unloading the dishwasher
0920: Putting the laundry in the dryer
0940: Cleaning up the juice Payton spilled while I was downstairs.
1000: Work on resume
1030: Laundry
1130: Making lunch
1200: Laying Payton down for a nap
1205: Laying down for a nap
1:00: Trying to ignore the fact that I think Payton is awake.
1:05 Getting Payton out of bed
1:06 Realizing (with horror) that she's had a rather nasty BM (thanks to the mineral oil we started her on- for regularity). Worse yet- she's attempted to change her own diaper. She comes in my room carrying a diaper full of sh**. Its all over her room and down her legs, etc.
1:07: Running an impromptu bath for Payton
1:10 Putting shitty clothes and sheets in the laundry. Just when the mound starts to look reasonable, I throw another heap on top of it.
1:15 Getting Payton out of the tub.
2:00 Field trip. I HAVE to get out of this house!!!! We go to Superstore (how exciting!). We buy only the neccesities- Dora pops and Dill pickle chips. Also, must buy Lorrie those pictures she's been crying about.
3:00 Visiting with Aunty Lorrie and Unlce Trent
4:00 Return home. Make stuffing for the chicken.
4:30 Stuff chicken and put it in the oven.
5:00 Load disher and do dishes from breakfast/lunch
5:30 Laundry
5:45 Peel pototoes
6:00 Wash kitchen floor
6:15 Make gravy. Cut cheese and pickles. Wash and set table.
6:30 Serve supper.
6:40 Quick walk.
7:00 Clear the table. Put dishes in dishwasher.
7:30 Watch TV
8:30 Put Payton to bed
9:00 Bath and bed
9:30 Catch a few minutes of SNL before falling asleep

8:00 Convince Geoff that it's his turn to wake up with Payton
9:30 Try to ignore the fact that the kids have all climbed into bed with me, as well as the animals.
9:35 Wake up. Discover dear husband. Snoring on couch.
9:40 Unload dishwasher and do supper dishes from last night Defrost chicken for supper tonight.
1000: Continue with the laundry
10:30: Make porridge and toast for the kids breakfast
10:40: Clean up dog puke under the table.
10:45 Brush teeth and put hair in pony tail
10:50: Payton pees herself. Clean urine off the bathroom floor.
1100: Go on blog to vent.

Here is a rundown of my husbands weekend:
Friday: 6:00 Make sandwich
7:00 Hockey game
9:00 Beer and darts with Kris

Saturday: 1000: Wake up, stretch, fart, make a big production of being exhausted.
1015: Shower, groom
1100: Go to work
2:30: Return from work. Nap on couch.
4:00 Simpsons
5:00 Smoke break.
6:00 Hockey game
6:30 Supper
7:30 Beer with Trent
9:00 TV

Sunday 8:00 Wake up with Payton. Put Treehouse on. Lay down on couch.
9:00 Fall asleep on couch
1000: Go back to bed for a nap after such a hectic morning.

Is it me, or is there something wrong with this picture?? And I know what you're probably thinking, you're thinking "you should talk to him." But I do. I said to him just the other day, I said, "There's too much work to do in this house" and he says "Maybe we need a bigger house" and I said "No, what we need is more people doing the work." and he's like "Oh, yeah, thats right, because you do EVERYTHING and I do NOTHING. Right? I'm just lazy and good for nothing. I know this speech." So then what can I say? He THINKS that he helps. Yes, he may on occasion put a fork in the dishwasher or change Payton or make a meal. But this hardly helps. The most frustrating thing is that I've been busting my ass all weekend cleaning, but guess what?? The house is still a MESS!!! It seems that the most I can do is hold off major domestic chaos. But I'd better go. The laundry beckons.

1 comment:

Lorrie said...

First of are freaking hilarious. Secondly, I don't remember tears streaming down my face when I mentioned the Sesame St. pictures. Thirdly...I HIGHLY doubt Geoff farts. The rest I believe but him farting, seriously? A tad far-fetched I'd say. Love you and thanks again for spending some of your well deserved budget on my only child's sorry ass...haha I'm a butthead.