Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Crossing over

I am beginning to think that I have crossed over from 'neurotic' to 'psychotic'. But lovably psychotic. Rather like that fellow Norman Bates in that charming hotel. I have told you before that I tell all on this blog. But there is, I confess, a lot that I leave out. To be frank, I can't even count the number of pregnancy tests that I've done. And frankly, I think it may be getting a tad out of hand. But I don't know how to stop. I tell myself I'm going to stop, but then the urge hits. And I just can't control it- with all those tests just laying around, practically begging to be used. You can hardly blame me. But I hit rock bottom today. I was standing on a stool, holding the test to the light and tilting it to a 45 degree angle, and when I squinted my eyes a certain way I could have sworn that I saw the vaguest suggestion of a positive result. It was faint to put it mildly, and after a while, I realized just how crazy the whole thing was. But that didn't stop me from picking up yet another pregnancy test on my way home from work. The possibility of a positive result was just too exciting. So I got one of those that you can test five days before your period is due. But it was clearly negative. So I'm just going to discount that one and revert back to the other one- which was negative as well, but if you held it to the light and held it a certain way it looked as thought it could have a slightly positive hue to it. Oh, I know. I'm crazy. Losing it. Lovingly psychotic. Off the nut. Whacko. You get the picture.

Onto other matters, as you know, I am seething with KFC for thier recent antics (if you are unaware then check out the post 'And the freaking chicken never came'). I am publically pleaing with all of you not to give them your business. If you are a fan of this blog, please boycot KFC. Perhaps if all six of us stop eating there they will realize thier dreadful mistake and come crawling back. They didn't know that they were messing with such a powerful woman, indeed- a public figure, really. Lets send them a message!! In keeping with that, I am goint to post a list of all the restaurants that I am through with:
Taco Time- I ate there on October 19/06. October 20th 0700hrs: I wake up with horrible stomach cramps. I go to the washroom. What happened after that was crazy, and I don't even know if I should publish it on this blog. But I've made a commitment to 'tell all' so here it is. I don't want to be vulgar, so let me just paint the picture for you. A picture is worth a thousand words anyways, right. Think of the bathroom scene from Dumb and Dumber. You all know what I'm talking about. That was bad enough as it was, but at the same time I realized that I was also going to throw up. Horrified, I did a quick scan of the bathroom, my eyes darting wildly here and there, trying to hold it in, but there was nothing- no bucket or bowl, but I could not get off the toilet, not for a second. Anyways, suffice it to say that the bathroom was not a pretty sight after that. And I will never eat at TacoTime again. And I implore you: if you care about your gastrointestinal health please do not eat there either.
Homers Pizza- Its a long story but I'm just mad at them. There are plenty of other pizza places out there. I would recommend Family Pizza. They are super nice. In fact, one of thier delivery personnel actually saved my dogs life once. Its the truth. The entryway to the house was wet, and the dog was standing there, and then she stepped onto that metallic strip at the bottom of the door which was all frosty cuz its cold outside. And the pad of her paw, being wet, got stuck, and she kept on trying to jump up on the pizza guys leg, but she was crying cuz everytime she jumped it hurt. So he got a glass of warm water and got her paw unstuck, all the way talking to her and petting her and reassuring her. So he got a pretty good tip that night. And no I don't mean that in a porno movie kind of way. I mean it in strictly a monetary fashion. But its just heartwarming though, isn't it?
So I wanted to leave you with one last thing, a testomonial from a client who recieved her magnet yesterday. "This magnet is magnet-ificent!!" Isn't that clever??


Lorrie said...

Heylo! I can't believe you didn't phone back the next day and talk to a manager!!!! I would've been SOOOOO mad. Like the time THEIR machine was broken and said I had no money after waiting in the Toonie Tuesday line for 45 minutes. The nerve of some people.
P.S. I'm not a rubby...I did have money but couldn't access Trent's account because the stupid Credit Union messed up on the joining of accounts. You should write a list of banks you'd like to ban!!!!!

n.straker said...

Jason will never, I repeat NEVER stop eating at taco time. All that happened to you, could happen to him at lunch, and he would go back for supper! It's sick really. He has an illness. I blame it on his mother. JUST KIDDING. Don't they always blame the mother.
Love Nikki
ps- I went through a phase with the pregnancy tests too. Don't worry-it passes...when your pregnant!