So, I guess, it seems apparent that I must be crazy. I did that test this morning (with my EMU, no less!) and it was El Negatario. (I have this thing, a quirk, I guess- that if I make the word 'negative' appear spanish it makes it seem less negative. It seems happier somehow- more positive. Its like a fiesta). But I still have not got my 'moon time'. And my breast hurt like a sonofabitch. But I guess that could also be premenstrual, so who the heck knows anymore. So I concede that I could be crazy. But then, that brings to light a whole other issue. Would a crazy person actually concede that they could be crazy? It seems to me that truly crazy people actually believe that they are sane, and that the rest of the world is crazy, or otherwise out to get them/CIA agents/aliens who have perfected mind control. The mere fact that I question my sanity naturally draws forth the conlusion that I am therefore sane. Right? Its just like the age old question. "If a tree falls in a forest, does anyone hear?" Except for without the trees. Or the forest. But, in essense, the same.
Anyways, pressing on. I had my doctors appointment today. It went tickety boo. In and out in half an hour. My doctor apologized for not being able to see my last time to the point that I felt like an asshole for getting into a big snit about it in the first place. But bless her. She basically said we were 'good to go' as far as trying to get pregnant again. She was also able to decipher the cryptic, inscrutable pathology report. Basically, bottome line, she thinks that the placents abrupted (that is-- a part of it tore apart from the uterine wall- thereby causing a massive bleed). I feel a bit better knowing that. At least I kind of know what caused the baby to die, though we will never know why the placenta did that. She said it was just a freak thing, though I do have my suspicions about it. She said as soon as I get pregnant to book an appointment so we can do an ultrasound as early as possible to establish that its a 'normal' pregnancy to begin with. So that was good. Oh, and one more thing. She said that I seem to be "in a very good space" right now. So there you go, for those of you who not-so-subtly suggested I could be "losing it" who shall remain nameless-- MOM-- Where did you get your PhD MOM?!?--- oh yeah, that's right. You don't have one. Hmm. Interesting. Whom shall we believe now? I don't know (when you read that last sentence please say it with sarcasm. If you did not do so, please go back and reread it).
What else?? I guess that's it for now. If I don't get my 'moon time' tomorrow I will do another test on Thursday morning. I just hate all this cursed waiting. If I was going to get my period I wish I would just get it already. Christ, it would be damn well over by now if it came when it was supposed to. But such is life.